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    dots Submission Name: The Enddots

    Author: Bloodlust86
    ASL Info:    24/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.1 - 56/49/53
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 513


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    dotsThe Enddots

    The pain you never see
    The hurt you never feel
    The darkness you never grasp
    All caused by your rejection
    The ending is near

    The tears I hide
    The scares I cover
    The blood I loose
    The anger I show
    All cause by your rejection
    The ending is near

    The tears your cry
    The regret you feel
    The emptiness you grasp
    The sorrow you now show
    All caused because I'm gone

    The end is here

    Submitted on 2011-01-11 01:02:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's really good, and what TheInvisible said is pretty much the only thing wrong.
    It's just too simple for some people, but I still liked it. :I
    | Posted on 2011-01-20 00:00:00 | by ToMyBride | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, though as far as suicide poems(that's how it came off to me) it could've been better. Use a thesaurus, or thesaurus.com to avoid repeating use, and you misspelled some words:

    "...The scares I cover
    The blood I loose..."

    Should've been:

    "...The scars I cover
    The blood I lose..."

    Remember, I did like it, it just needs a bit more oomph.
    | Posted on 2011-01-11 00:00:00 | by TheInvisible | [ Reply to This ]

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