Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The World is Strangedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DarkGunslinger
    Elite Ratio:    2.43 - 7/25/23
    Words: 651
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 901
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3782



    Description:
       written awhile ago.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe World is Strangedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The World is Strange


    (a man is sitting at an old typewriter, cigarette in hand. The ashtray on the desk
    beside him is overflowing with smashed butts. Sweat drips from his brow, and he is
    very pale)


    The world is strange. Full of strangers, full of scary thoughts. Men rape women,
    children taunt one another to suicide. Miracles happen every day. People with
    terminal cancer suddenly become well. Babies born 4 months premature become
    leaders of American business. The world is strange.

    (the man's shoulders slump. He begins typing. The keys clack very audibly. The
    sound is uniform in its randomness.)

    I met a woman. Many years ago. Seven, to be exact. She never leaves my mind, ever.
    We've had it strange. Things happen between us, things that neither of us can
    explain. I sometimes think the term for us would be soulmates, but that tastes sour
    on the tongue. I've wracked my brain to figure it out, to no avail.

    We live apart, in different cities. I saw her once two years ago, at a motel. We went
    to dinner, and talked in the car. It was a strange time. When I left and went home,
    I couldn't sleep for days. She's a drug, and I'm a life-long addict.

    My mind is not good. I have had problems with depression. She is my cure. I wonder if
    that's why I met her. To keep me tethered. Maybe.

    (The typing stops. He puts out his cigarette and automatically lights another. The typing
    begins again)

    The world is strange. Things change, never for the better. I had a chance to be hers,
    to be her man. Her husband maybe, one day. Past tense. Had. I fucked it up. I don't
    know why I did it, and I've never forgotten it. I've always, since that day, wanted her.
    The world is strange. Strange indeed.

    (the man stops typing once more. He ejects the paper from the typewriter and places it
    on a stack next to several other papers. He butts his cigarette, stands up. Perfectly
    still. After a moment, he screams and slams a fist into the desk, jarring it badly.
    The papers scatter onto the floor. We see the papers, and all are blank. There's one
    paper separate from these. The man picks it up and looks at it. It's a letter, the date
    obscured.)

    She wrote me this. Last week. In it she mentions how much she missed me, and how much she
    wanted to see me. She had just broken up with her man. At the bottom, instead of signing with
    her name, she simply wrote: "I will love you forever." When I read this, I cry.

    (He drops the paper to the ground, and a single tear falls from his eye to the page, staining
    it gray.)

    She died two days ago. She was beaten by a man. I don't know the details. Maybe that's for the
    best. I've had bad thoughts about that man. I bought a shotgun this morning from the pawn shop
    below my apartment. He smiles a lot. I never smile. I have a piece of paper. It has a name.
    One name.

    (The man sits down at the desk, and lights a cigarette. It is the last in the pack. He throws
    the empty container into the wastebin beside his desk.)

    I will love her forever. It is all I can do.

    (He stands up from his desk, in what appears to be indecision. He then goes to a closet, grabs
    a long, thin object that can only be a gun from it, and puts on his hat and coat.)

    The world is strange.


    END




    Submitted on 2011-01-11 19:25:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very well put together.It's like dark animation but you can feel where this guy is coming from on the thought of a loved one being wrongfully taken away from him.

    As he sits in some smoke filled office, thinking so deep his finger won't miss a beat with landing on the keys of the typewriter, the surrounding is normal, as if he's some guy who's doing overtime at night, on some downtown office gig, after general work hours are over.Better yet in his home, where he keeps that pump hidden off for the rainy day his savior is stolen from his world, for good.Set out to kick ass and take some names.Or just one in particular.

    The beginning kind of made me chuckle.
    How you point out actual real world facts due to the miserable but complicated, degraded western world where retardation is common with today's 'civilization'.

    And then at the end, it's like."No way he's going to kill himself! That's payback right there man."

    Yeah the world is strange.Especially when someone takes all you were relying on, depending on with sure love right in a heartbeat of negativeness this ill world holds so much nowadays.Strange because revenge is like a longing poison.This guy seems to have already contemplated that and has made his choice to find that [censored].Like wow.

    In conclusion, it's got rightful hit man written all over it.
    Good read indeed.

    But then you could think he's on a suicide mission because after her being killed he could just say [censored] it and give up on the world for good.I doubt he went out like that.I wish this here was went on.It's an awesome layout, that's juicy and kept me peeping through the hole of that room he was in.Hah

    It's chopped and screwed, gotta tone this up.It'll be sweeter, that's my only disagreeing deal with it.Could be shorter but still twice more prose like.

    I liked it.

    Rexsan
    | Posted on 2011-04-21 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't see suicide at the end myself, the character seems to have too much fight in him for that kind of ending. But I thought this was a good read, it was a good idea. The way it's written too, it really seems to capture this down and out slugger and the counterpoint of typing thoughts versus action was inspired. Thanks for the read.

    | Posted on 2011-01-13 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, what an interesting piece of work. I enjoy that it started with the horrors of the world, and they seem to be detached from the man who's writing in the beginning, but then we learn that the reason he writes about the strangeness of the world is because it had affected him. I love the ambiguousness at the end, where you don't know if he goes to murder the man, or if he goes to commit suicide. The only reason I think suicide is because it was mentioned in the beginning, with all of the bad things that happen. I'm not sure if the formatting is deliberate, but it's definitely an interesting formatting. It seems like you attempted to copy and paste it, but the lines were you too long or something. If that's true, you should try to edit it, I think it makes the write read a bit choppy. But then at the same time, it could be a way of showing the choppiness of the events of life. Anyways, I enjoyed reading this.

    Nice.
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2011-01-12 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188748

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    prison written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry