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    dots Submission Name: Temple Whores gone Wilddots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 304
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1864


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTemple Whores gone Wilddots

    The moon is a guillotine
    that severs stars from the sky.
    Time stumbles along dragging an axe
    to the end of days.
    The black forest of love
    is a moaning choir ruing
    the rot of ruination.

    This is not a most solemn hour.
    This is the hour to cower and run.
    The whores of the temple have turned
    on their master.
    To avert disaster
    the master has packed up his gold
    and chartered a ship. He is doubly
    determined to give
    those vengeful whores the slip.

    However the night seethes
    with enchantment.
    Gleaming green trails of neon
    mark the passing of whores on broomsticks.
    Lighting crackles
    as whore
    hackles rise.

    A pole dancing whore flies
    the red lust of doom
    sparks from her crazed eyes.

    She espies the ship at its slip and dips
    to loose a bolt torn from the rage of her ire.
    It is pure neon green fire
    and it burns.
    Like the molten core
    of a ripped off whore
    it burns.

    But the master is keen to avert total disaster.
    Therefore he gives voice to a plea.
    Do not tell your vengeful sisters
    instead come flee with me
    and half of mine is yours.
    I have a hold
    stuffed with gold,
    you see,
    we could be

    Avarice is a wicked thing,
    a thing of which
    any whore might dream.

    Therefore this whore
    gave thought to the masters scheme.
    She calculated the split,
    got on the ship,
    and joined the master,
    giving her ripped off sisters in sin
    the slip.

    Submitted on 2011-01-12 22:52:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      really like the first stanza...

    i see something in this unusual piece...allegory...yes, i see the real whores...but i also see mythological creatures in their glory, flying about the boat...swirling through the sky...

    maybe the wicked sisters who got left behind...

    i could also see muses...

    coming to the poet in very different ways...as he uses them, beds them weds them leaves them--

    we pay for that creative hour...because somehow we can't find a muse that will live with us like a wife and be there any time we need her...
    the muses make their own way--

    oh how did i get off on that...

    at any rate...this has much color...it rocks!


    i agree with blue monk on the severs stars...i would eliminate the "the" there...just "severs stars"
    | Posted on 2011-06-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this is sooooo good. I actually turned off the television to go back and start on it again. Not only colorful it is also funny. Dare I say some speck of genius was parlayed into it? I read this before and liked it but I had already faved you so much by then I already felt like a stalker. Times up.

    One thought was that I'd have said "that severs stars" since it can't be everywhere at once and the resulting swath of those missing would contrast against those remaining (an image thing).

    Speaking of images, the "Time stumbles along dragging an axe to the end of days." is priceless. I've got to get me a bigger ax! But I can almost sense that the weary old gentleman must be getting like the camel that smells the water from over the next dune, tired yet eager to drink it all in and finally rest.

    Currently having a dry spell? Just over the dune buddy, just over the dune and it's all yours!
    | Posted on 2011-03-11 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly, I think this is very well done... the opening line... omg, what a killer line, literally. Moon-blade slicing the stars loose from heaven.

    By the end, I was smiling, and my old friend Stephanie's words came back in the last paragraph,

    "Well, J, a girl's gotta eat...."

    Yes she does, Steph... Yes she does.
    | Posted on 2011-01-16 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

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