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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Peppermint Moondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 360
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPeppermint Moondots
    -------------------------------------------


    A peppermint moon, cools her kiss as mist
    gathers 'round her stiletto heels. The bliss
    of utter darkness transforms her smile. Smitten
    in the night, week as a kitten, she's been bitten.

    Now, there is a haunted glaze in her eyes
    one she cannot disguise, but still she tries.
    She has never worn a finer dress.
    She styles her hair, yet still, she is a mess

    She drops her purse, locks her keys inside her car,
    she's showed up late and bangs her knee quite har-d
    when she stumbles on the stairs. She defies the stares
    rushes to the elevator,she just doesn't care.

    Walking on air she faxes her niece the Chinese file.
    Her best friend watches and gives her a smile.
    Because next, she sends her niece's bridal plans
    (in triplicate) to the ambassador of Pakistan.

    Still there is a glow that fills her to the brim
    her finger nails are polished, clean and trim.
    She is sweet and kind to everyone she greets
    being around her is just quite the treat.

    Even if she just (can not) remember why
    her coffee taste so salty, she could cry.
    But everyone in the office, is in the know.
    She is infected and it really shows.

    She might as well be naked on the internet.
    Has science found a cure? No, not yet.
    In fact most of us are bitten once or twice
    we survive, Indeed sometimes it is kind of nice.

    When The love bug bites.








    Submitted on 2011-01-15 00:23:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh sure, some spellings...

    but this is so true...and a good journey into how we can be so thrown off by infatuation ...by a new love...so preoccupied we just fumble through everyday tasks..our mind elsewhere..focused on that significant other...
    absorbed by them...

    and how others giggle at us...tell us we are so smitten, and we try to deny it...all the time bubbling up inside.
    | Posted on 2011-03-12 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is actutally quite surpisingly sweet. (are you sure you wrote it :)? I like the internal rhyming

    But I find it moves slowly--for me it drags, I think, possibly because of the dearth of contractions. Although you do use some.

    [i]She drop's her purse, locks her keys inside her car,
    she's showed up late and bangs her knee quite har-d,[i]

    'drops' doesn't need 's and you should delete the 'she's' in the next line--just [i]shows up late[i] would work better I think to fix the tense-inconsistency problem.

    I don't get "the coffee tastes so salty" line or why she wants to cry. Although the other day at work one of the volunteers made the coffee and it was really salty--I guess some people add salt to cut the bitter taste. But those two lines don't seem to fit in with the rest.

    Also why is The capitalised in the last line?

    Anyways, I wanted to comment on this one because although I recognise the recipe, it's different from your usual flavour.

    I like the title but not neccesarily for this poem--unless maybe Peppermint Mooning.

    cheers~chris

    Obviously I don't remember how to code the italics--it didn't work.
    | Posted on 2011-02-04 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember the effects of 'young' love... not meaning, when you're young, because everyone feels "young" in love... no, I mean, those early crippling stages where you can't get your [censored] together, you're everything that is outlined in this poem, and you're a complete F-up, yet no one cares because you're so Ahhhhhh to be around... I was so in love once *sigh*... I remember, I do remember...
    | Posted on 2011-01-16 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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