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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wild whispersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 660



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWild whispersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    wild whispers
    damp with ghoulish hints
    running in red rivulets
    from walls
    alive
    with malicious aforethought
    scampering
    and
    milling
    in salacious blood lust
    unfulfilled
    as yet
    a
    fury
    of
    baffled hunger
    searching
    imploring
    snarling
    your name
    plunging
    to
    squat
    in
    cellars
    of
    pan-
    ic
    tenantless
    hiss
    finds
    you
    inarticulate
    weeping
    warm and wet
    so
    soft and plump
    a
    feast





    Submitted on 2011-01-15 01:40:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      weeping
    warm and wet
    so
    soft and plump
    a
    feast

    This is a poem on it's own. It is also my favorite part of this.

    Bold work.
    | Posted on 2011-09-17 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way it thins out, plunges downward, cascades to the finish.

    I think it's over modified, especially in the beginning....wild,damp,ghoulish,red,malicious,salacious.

    You're guilty
    of telling rather than showing.

    A fury of of baffled hunger....this is actually where you could start the poem, and leave out some, or all of that stuff in the beginning. I know you are setting the stage, but it doesn't gain you alot IMO.

    ~c
    | Posted on 2011-02-09 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]


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