Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tripdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Fuck it all
    Total Views: 584
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTripdots
    -------------------------------------------


    your mind is not your own
    it's wandered far from home
    it boarded a fast train
    disappeared in the rain
    traveling on rusted rails
    it's way beyond the pale
    your mind's on one last ride
    with goofy for a guide
    the wind begins to chill
    you take another pill
    feeling like ice so nice
    it's just one more device
    like a hole in your head
    a head under your bed
    a spike goes in a vein
    so little life remains
    the soot filled sky goes black
    you're never coming back






    Submitted on 2011-01-15 04:01:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Reading this I actually get the feeling of a fast train, of the cars whipping by even as the specific actions inherent in the piece are depicted frame-by-frame...it's all freeze-frame clear.
    Nicely written.~C
    | Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      :D I love it when you write like this.
    | Posted on 2011-03-05 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      One to start off the day with. I like throwing in Goofy, gives it a special sort of class. Thanks!
    | Posted on 2011-01-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188807

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The World written by jjd
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Carry written by saartha
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry