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    dots Submission Name: enough for medots

    Author: grimmreaper
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 122/43/23
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Misc/What is
    Total Views: 469
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1854


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsenough for medots

    It never seems to matter
    how i start off my day
    or how determied I am

    Feeling strong
    has never made a difference

    At the end of each day
    I fall victim
    To the same master

    I fight the same fight
    only to face the same results
    Of defeat

    And on the rare days
    When i happen to win the war

    I still go to bed
    That i have still lost the battle

    I can fight
    I can struggle

    I can give it my all

    But at the end of the day
    After its all said and done

    After all my resources
    Have been exhausted

    Its always for the same results

    In the bathroom
    The door locked
    Water running loud
    And my fingers
    Shoved down my throat

    Because i am a slave
    I am a prisoner
    Within my self

    And chained
    Locked insie a dark room
    Where no light of hope
    Can shine through

    I am a victim
    Of my mind

    Controlled by my own thoughts
    And deepest feelings
    Of denial
    And disgust
    Of my own self

    But each day
    That i wake up

    And each morning
    That i get dressed
    Only to fight back the tears
    from my reflection
    and force a fake smile
    on my face

    i at least know
    that i am alive
    as long as i am alive

    as long as i still feel pain
    and breathe hurt

    i have accomplished somthing
    because its proof
    that i havnt given up

    and that in it self
    is enough for me

    Submitted on 2011-01-18 10:09:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I share a lot of your feelings of self-hate and disgust... o.o Though I have never actually done what you described in the 12th stanza... (Here I am, afraid of saying the word) -_- Eating disorders are so hard to deal with! I'll pray for your strength to carry you through day by day... And you know, you're Beautiful!

    Thank you for sharing your story... Not everyone has the courage to do so... It gives me hope that you can become even stronger! :D

    Keep Smiling, That Smile Makes Someone's World Brighter! Keep Fighting, You Matter To Someone! (Me) And Keep Writing, It Gives Your Readers Hope! <3
    | Posted on 2011-02-28 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really deep piece. I wouldn't change anything about the format, the way you have placed pauses is powerful. I did notice a few typos, though, in the third line did you mean 'determined?' In the ninth stanza third line I think you mean 'inside.' You say that even on the nights you win, you know you've lost the battle. Why? Why can't the next night be the same, and the night after that? If you can do it once, then you can win, and why can't you win again? I'm afraid I didn't understand what you were describing (taking pills? I'm sorry) but that doesn't hinder the reader from feeling how you are trapped, hate yourself, and feel like you're not in control. I think many people can relate to this feeling, even myself, about strong habits one hates doing but does anyway. But even though it may seem like it is impossible to stop doing what you are doing, everything is a choice, and you are who you choose to be. I believe that if you work hard enough, you can decide to not do something, no matter what it is. Thanks for sharing, it is nice to realize that you're not alone in feeling like you're not in control of your own self-which is how I felt.
    | Posted on 2011-01-19 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]

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