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Gray Rainy Bones

Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 161
Class/Type: Prose /Misc
Total Views: 638
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 997


Gray Rainy Bones

It rained today, a gray mist drizzle he describes
when he talks about England. The day is cold,
but his hands are warm against my thin t-shirt.
It seems like the longest winter, like spring has abandoned us,
and the fireflies won't ever return.

The night is dark, a gauze veil hiding the shy-eyed moon,
but even the modest clouds can't disguise her halo.
She glows brighter than starlight, a white cold virgin
distant and aloof, too high above us to have ever
felt the rain.

He and the clouds gather strength to make another storm,
while I slide against him with fever and cinders.
The sparks look like fireflies, and for a moment April whispered
"je reviens," while our bones collide and tremble,
unable to adjust to this warmth out of season.
It seems like the longest winter, like spring has abandoned us
and won't ever come again.

Submitted on 2011-01-19 01:35:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  a significant other's heat can warm the coldest, dreariest day...

i felt this like i was wearing the thin t-shirt---

and i felt a hot chill!
| Posted on 2011-02-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this. It's so bleak. Also, you mention fireflies. I like that, too. Though I don't know why.

Something about the coldness and your thin t-shirt is just lovely. And the moon not knowing rain, which speaks of such total detachment.

I love the moon at the moment. I think it's a phase I go through again and again.

And you mention England (Go England!) and yes, it is drizzly and f-ing freezing here, literally, I die every time I go outside to smoke.

The storm ominates me (yes, I made that up).


Lobe and stuff :)

And sorry for the crappy comment. I'm out of practice, or something. All I can do is ramble incoherently. Alas.

Ok, I'm out.
| Posted on 2011-01-29 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
   OK this is weird, well for me it is.
I just read a book where je reviens
had a prominent significance. There
were three people who had this je reviens
engraved on gold finger rings.
Now one of them
followed the plan after the other two
abandon him. This plan includes clones
and brain transplants.

OK I will write about your poem now.
It is a nice poem with good imagery and
I think it is romantic, I think however
I am not sure because it seems too sad
for me. Some poet I think maybe it was
T. S. Elliot but I only think I do not remember
for sure anyway some poet I read says April is
the cruelest month of them all and goes on
about flowers getting tricked.
Anyway like I said this might be romantic
but it is way melancholic too.
Moreover I should like to stop thinking about
it because I do not feel like feeling melancholy
right now.

| Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
  First off, this piece has a TON of beautiful imagery. I particularly enjoyed these lines:

"It seems like the longest winter, like spring has abandoned us,
and the fireflies won't ever return."

"She glows brighter than starlight, a white cold virgin
distant and aloof."

I thought both of these lines were superbly done, and provoked a lot of strong emotions and thoughts. You spaced everything out very well, but I wouldn't label this "prose". In both structure and style, this is a great poem through and through. It flows so nicely and really captures a particular concept well.

The second stanza, while strong, was also the weakest of the three. I found myself getting slightly lost with "men have sought to write their names. . ." It could easily just be me, but I feel like there could be a better way to phrase that, or you could even add more onto it to elaborate. Not too much though; no sense in overcrowding it.

A very strong piece, you should certainly keep writing stuff like this.
| Posted on 2011-01-19 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]

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