Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreams of Dead Mendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 482
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreams of Dead Mendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ever feel the pricking of jealousy?
    Always some shame tagging along
    But you can't bury it away completely
    Though modest smiles feel so wrong

    Ever feel the ticking of tragedy?
    Taking slowly developed wronging
    From a rewardless world of strife
    Sinking feeling, no belonging

    Ever heard the whispers of heartache?
    The prolonged revisit of the unwelcome
    Never to numb or leave completely
    Always dredging back, the feelings come

    Ever heard the cries of your ghost?
    That shadow forged from your past
    Pained reminders of why you are
    And of heavens that would not last

    Ever watched the sheeps in game?
    All the same story and plan
    Colorless leeches embodying life
    Suck the world for all they can

    Ever watched the stars collide?
    Lost in one's mind from craze
    Logic left once, some time ago
    But I still see you through the haze




    Submitted on 2011-01-21 13:14:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi. Good poem well constructed and endearing. Will absorb morfe and and comment. Joachim
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I liked the design of this. How it asks a question & then emphasizes the question, putting more weight on it. Kinda causes the reader to pause & respond deliberately, not just off hand, but really think about what it is you're asking. & I like the nature of the questions too. Some are more common & simple as with tragedy & heartache & such while others are more random like the one about sheep. It mixes it up. Your simile are sometimes surprising too, again with the sheep. All in all, the rhyme worked out well to. It's not overly original most of the time, but it keeps itself well & there's merit in that. Improvements would be maybe putting some new twist on the more common questions, but that's all I can think of.
    | Posted on 2011-01-21 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188933

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    The Promise written by annie0888
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    This written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Bond written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Incubus written by monad
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry