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    dots Submission Name: Dreams of Dead Mendots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 482
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1026


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    dotsDreams of Dead Mendots

    Ever feel the pricking of jealousy?
    Always some shame tagging along
    But you can't bury it away completely
    Though modest smiles feel so wrong

    Ever feel the ticking of tragedy?
    Taking slowly developed wronging
    From a rewardless world of strife
    Sinking feeling, no belonging

    Ever heard the whispers of heartache?
    The prolonged revisit of the unwelcome
    Never to numb or leave completely
    Always dredging back, the feelings come

    Ever heard the cries of your ghost?
    That shadow forged from your past
    Pained reminders of why you are
    And of heavens that would not last

    Ever watched the sheeps in game?
    All the same story and plan
    Colorless leeches embodying life
    Suck the world for all they can

    Ever watched the stars collide?
    Lost in one's mind from craze
    Logic left once, some time ago
    But I still see you through the haze

    Submitted on 2011-01-21 13:14:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi. Good poem well constructed and endearing. Will absorb morfe and and comment. Joachim
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
    I liked the design of this. How it asks a question & then emphasizes the question, putting more weight on it. Kinda causes the reader to pause & respond deliberately, not just off hand, but really think about what it is you're asking. & I like the nature of the questions too. Some are more common & simple as with tragedy & heartache & such while others are more random like the one about sheep. It mixes it up. Your simile are sometimes surprising too, again with the sheep. All in all, the rhyme worked out well to. It's not overly original most of the time, but it keeps itself well & there's merit in that. Improvements would be maybe putting some new twist on the more common questions, but that's all I can think of.
    | Posted on 2011-01-21 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]

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