Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rednecks Requiem dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 563
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1133



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRednecks Requiem dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sunlight singed heart of night
    last rite of shadows stark passage.
    A vagabond with moon dust for a cloak,
    he sails his skeletal ship into the black.
    Forever my love dies in bloodshot eyes,
    a glowing relic of eternal reflection
    so stark and perpetually red.

    Piceous poetry drips from bluing lips
    as he recalls their tryst,
    it was
    the embodiment
    of dystopian enchantment.
    Her hellish curves
    railroaded his mind,
    while trailing fingers
    enfiladed his spine.
    The crack of leather crazed his eyes.
    His eyes glazed brighter
    with every
    drop
    of wax
    that dripped
    upon his nether bits.

    He became dystonia in action
    as her stiletto
    heels gained traction.
    The panacea of her flame
    as he screamed her name.
    Her name
    is now
    his epitaph
    standing above his
    remains
    inscribed in stone.
    As if
    even in death
    he could
    forget
    her name.






    Submitted on 2011-01-22 02:38:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i saw some masochistic sex in this...

    a little s&m

    so where is my mind at..?

    i saw the woman being in control..from the start...as he screamed her name...and she penetrated him in so many ways...so deeply, he could never forget her name...never.

    there is a pulse to your work...an it is different...
    you write in some sense like you don't care about form, about what poetry has to be...you just go with your gut...get outside the lines in some way that to me...is great...
    i love violation of what is expected...or what is safe.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Sunlight singed heart of night
    last rite of shadows stark passage.
    A vagabond with moon dust for a cloak,
    he sails his skeletal ship into the black.
    Forever my love dies in bloodshot eyes,
    a glowing relic of eternal reflection
    so stark and perpetually red.

    I just LOVE every word of this . I could so relate on the crenelations of skeletal . Still it's kind of a jump to verse two . Is this nefarious nemesis of a witchy woman the one with the bloodshot eyes ? Or is the vagabond having a diabolically demented estranged ensemble orchestration with a femme fatale , and forgetting to not be too full of adulation . Or perhaps the reason their tryst was "the embodyment of dystopian enchantment" was because he was raping her , and later her hellish curves continued to railroad his mind . What can I say I've already read the third verse and I wonder why she would trample him so after she "crack of leather" had waxed his nether bits so well . Maybe she's the female the wizard brought back to life , and now because the rapist killed her she is wearing her stiletto heels , and the panacea of her righteous flame is sending his unrepentant drunken soul ..... or maybe the bloodshot eyed drunken fool just didn't know when to run . I don't know . It's all so confusing . Maybe the bloodshot eyes belong to the woman's boyfriends who want to kick his ass . Or maybe the femme fatale has bloodshot eyes . There is just too much thinking . You should write about simple things like blowing the [censored] out of hell . Take it from a [censored] covered demon you've practically got me in tears again .

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2011-02-01 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      As a woman, I think you're showing too much fear ;)

    Actually, I do love this... had to look up the big words (I need a dictionary chip implanted in my head, I really do), but they all were the perfect words and it expanded my vocabulary... as well as made my chair warm :)
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188946

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry