[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Before I Learn to Flydots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 283
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 404
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2020


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore I Learn to Flydots

    The child lay stunned
    on his clutching bed
    as the curare of fear
    took effect.

    He had seen that
    the general,
    the generals men
    their jeeps, halftracks,
    and tanks
    were on duty in their base
    beneath his bed.

    Kong was on the nightstand
    and a life size poster
    Frankenstein's Monster
    stood guard over the room.

    If only he had not read
    "The Hounds of Tindalos"
    Perhaps then
    the water stain
    in the corner above his bed
    would not appear so smoke-like.

    Just as he imagined a proboscis
    congealing from the smoke
    his fear ravaged body

    "Wake up sleepyhead,
    you are
    going to learn to ride that bike today."

    His heart stuttered, would this be like
    learning to swim?
    Dad had just tossed him off
    the cliff at Sunset Falls.

    "Get to the beach before you
    hit the rapids"

    rang once again in his head.

    It started out well enough
    he even got to wear a helmet
    and the hill
    was not that

    He felt when dad let go.
    Faster, faster
    too fast-too fast
    there have to be brakes
    why are there trees?

    "The doctor says no concussion
    and only two broken bones"

    "Sure dad
    I am such a lucky kid."

    He ran away when he was
    just thirteen years old.
    He never looked back.
    He had heard dad tell mom

    "tomorrow I will teach that boy
    to fly"

    He had left too quick to hear.

    "a model airplane"

    Submitted on 2011-01-22 20:53:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    I loved the punch line. It was unexpected & up until the end I wasn't exactly sure where this was going. You created great build up with describing the room, and the toys at attention, providing some comfort, maybe, from whatever lurks in the imagination. I remember practically jumping from the door way to my bed because I was positive something lived under my bed that would grab my feet should they be dangled in front of him. & the closet! It did not help, of course, that I have four older brothers who tormented me with ghost stories & other nonsense. So all that said, you bring out a readily felt & easily seen period that I think everyone can relate to, then you put this wonderful spin on it. Totally cracked me up.

    (One typo: "the generals* men" general's)
    | Posted on 2011-01-27 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      HAHAHAHAHA... Oh, that's funny, yes.

    Reminds me of the swimming lessons my step-father tried to give me at about school-age, when he decided that I had to get over my fear of water... only, at the lake where we went, I wouldn't let go, screamed and screamed until he gave up and told my mother to take me to a Y-class. I remember the instructor making all the kids get on the diving board and learn to jump off (feet first) and go under/come up, and I wouldn't jump. In fact, I not only screamed, I clung to the board with my arms and legs wrapped around it and had to be pried off and dragged away. They told her that if I didn't jump off, they couldn't have me in the class, so we went home that night and I remember she took a belt and beat me so long that it took about a month to go back to the class again because of the bruises showing on my swimsuit. And I remember the first day back, we had to walk past the pool to the changing room, and she'd warned me about embarrassing her by not jumping, so when I saw the water, I just automatically ran straight for the diving board, closed my eyes and ran right off the end of it with all my clothes on. And when they had to run in and jump in to get me out, and got me on the side of the pool again, I tore loose from them, ran back to the diving board and jumped in again. I think that's why I still have an overwhelming urge to jump off things... I was afraid of dying, sure, but I was more afraid of what was going to happen if I DIDNT jump... lol

    Parents... gotta love'em, we're genetically programmed to.
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, the responsibilities of fatherhood in teaching your offspring to survive. Very suspenseful write. Now, if I can just get my own son away from his computer games long enough...
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    ME written by jjd
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    This written by Chelebel
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]