[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Journalistdots

    Author: EileenToTheLeft
    ASL Info:    28/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 16/36/55
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1550


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Journalistdots

    At night, in the dimmed life crave house
    they limp through a dance and scuffle
    with a conscience half-drowned away
    in molasses and reds.
    There's no argument left. Just the one thing
    they've grown too old to forget.
    And I sit.
    And I listen to the dried-out last breath voices
    as they fidget and speak between sips.
    Because I am tired of know-it-all bullshit.
    I am the naive journalist.
    I am the novice.
    You have to hear from the criminal ear yourself
    if you still don't have it.
    And I haven't grown that crooked edge yet.
    Oh, but I am a crook for a habit!
    The lamps hang low and make shadows,
    fingers wagging back to me on the tables.
    And my lips to this bottle,
    a sour kiss from a girl I will never catch.
    She is a carved ivory box
    and holds nothing.
    A stand in model for my 25th.
    She brews her past into my future as I
    swallow. Hell, I choke down every bit.
    And the lifers introduce themselves.
    They breathe down our necks and soak
    in the scent of a heart soon at rest.
    An exciting ritual for the stumbling dead.
    An opportunity none the less.
    I get carried away. Unconscious.
    Laid under the covers, a fresh cotton casket.
    Buried alive but not alone.
    Clothes strewn across a foreign floor.
    And here I am, still the journalist.
    Though, I cannot ever be a novice

    Submitted on 2011-01-24 00:02:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "And I haven't grow that crooked edge yet.
    Oh, but I am a crook for a habit!"

    These lines really grabbed me & for some reason delighted me. This is great. It tells a story, & I like the progression. It is also in equal measure of inner thoughts & outer surroundings, which appealed to my imagination & cognition. It is good to know inner-thoughts, but it is even better if we are able to put those inner thoughts into the context of surroundings. I found this to well-written & interesting down to the last line. I agree with isabella too, in that it lets the reader fill in blanks & to a bit of wondering themselves. I don't have any criticism to offer.
    | Posted on 2011-01-25 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      so i have read this for the 3rd time today and can't seem to sort my thoughts out about why i like it so much. (i am [censored] for comments most days).

    but there is something here. maybe it's the cherry popping. or the journalistic approach of getting it down/or being under cover/or being under cover and getting it down.

    maybe it's just that i like the style in which it's written. it doesn't spell everything out and leads me (the reader) to fill in the blanks a bit.

    anyhoos. since i opened this up a few times, i thought i should probably leave a few unspecifieds.

    | Posted on 2011-01-24 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    The Promise written by annie0888
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]