Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fatal Creationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95/166/107
    Words: 309
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1895



    Description:
       FINALLY. A song :D Please critique <3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFatal Creationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    steam clung to the window
    I left the towel on the floor
    and as I headed out into the world
    I scratched my name into the door

    there were days so bright and painful
    I wore sunglasses until sundown
    needing nothing but an hourglass
    so time would stand still or compound

    it's nothing but a game
    a life of chance and fate
    we dance under the moonlight
    we bbecome what we create

    I know I must be dreaming
    there is music in the air
    to wake up to this life I've lived
    it just doesn't seem fair

    but I don't mind the company
    of the baggage in my head
    the pain was worth the lessons
    I'm sure without it I'd be very dead.

    it's nothing but a game
    a life of choice and fate
    we dance under the moonlight
    we become what we create

    I felt your eye upon me
    as I contemplated my thread
    should I sew it into the fabric
    or should watch what is unsaid
    I hear the voices calling me
    but I can't make out the sound
    should I stop what I am doing
    should I let myself drown?

    if it's nothing but a game
    a life of choice and fate
    when we dance under the moonlight
    will we become what we create?

    where are all the certainties
    the scissors are coming down
    I've forgotten all the pieces
    of the signs I should have found
    If I close my eyes and believe
    in the wish I make on that star
    will I find some peace of mind
    will I finally know who you are?

    it's nothing but a game
    a life of chance and fate
    we dance under the moonlight
    we become what we create





    Submitted on 2011-01-24 13:21:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would love to hear this sung. In a few places the flows seems clunky, but I'm sure I'm just not hearing it right.

    it's nothing but a game
    a life of chance and fate
    we dance under the moonlight
    we become what we create

    I love those lines, the contradiction in the second line is wonderful. And the last line is all too true.

    Not much of a critique, I know. I just had to comment though, let you know how awesome I thought this was. It's going in my faves.
    | Posted on 2011-01-30 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      hi this was really good i could see somebody putting music to this it had a good flow

    well done and enjoyed reading

    sandman
    | Posted on 2011-01-24 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188979

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Behest [krb + drb] written by Daniel Barlow
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry