Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AshleyDYoung
    ASL Info:    19/F/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 28/33/34
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 548
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 862



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I’m losing myself inside my mind. Change
    Is my master, my abuser! Complications tend
    To deceive, leading me to believe that
    I am alone. When I plead at his right side
    he turns a blind eye and lays down to rest;
    Not once, but many times. How comfortable
    Is your blanket of guilt? You say heavy,
    but when the time comes your just a baby nestled
    Down to sleep peacefully. you except me not
    to weep? How can I know your words will hold,
    when so many times they have been broken with
    little to no pressure? My most precious love
    I hold on for you, but I cannot sit here
    And watch you sleep your so called “horrible” life
    Away. I cannot attend your party of pity, and
    I refuse to let you unknowingly
    push me away; what am I to do love?




    Submitted on 2011-01-25 22:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a wondeful poem! The sense of being lost permeates this piece. Like the comments from Esha, I like your use of a blanket to convey feelings of guilt. Wonderful!

    I did want to bring your attention to line #8...I believe you want "your" to be either "you're".

    Also, in the last line...

    "...push me away; what am I to do love?"

    Why not try...

    "...push me away; what am I to do my Love?"

    Totally your call...

    Take care,

    Kel











    | Posted on 2011-02-05 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Gr, I hate confusion and being lost too. It's like that feeling of just not knowing what to do, and whatever solution you come up with is improbable.

    I got a bit confused though, to be honest. When you say 'he' in the poem, are you referring to "Change" or some other figure?

    The metaphor of the blanket is quite unique, I think, I haven't seen anything like it before. And it's easy to... create something out of it, you know?

    Other than that, I think this is an interesting perception of being lost and feeling slightly helpless. Interesting how the two concepts are usually linked to each other.

    Thanks for sharing (:

    --Esha
    | Posted on 2011-01-27 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189007

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry