Description: Its a start. I've really been having trouble writing, just tell me what you think of this so far, even if you think it's awful, please, give me honesty. I would explain what it meant, but its too long to describe.
I really like the last part starting with "As I" especially the last line.
Are the line breaks intentional? When I read they make me pause and a I felt like I was pausing in strange places a few times.