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    dots Submission Name: The Big Finish!dots

    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 427
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2785

    I intended that this would take place in the 1920s.
    Haha, it's cause' I just watched Chicago for the millionth time in my life xD

    P.S. Search 'Turli' on Google, it's quite a beautiful bird-and you'll get what I meant in the story by the title of the trick.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Big Finish!dots

    'Ladies and gentleman, WELCOME, to the Sadistic Circus!'
    The silence seeks through the air as the well-dressed people look around.
    The women in their elegant black dresses, along with their dark eye-masks while men in their nice black and white suits with their shiny Italian dress-shoes.
    'As this, is the first time of our-little-opening! We shall present to you...The Lovely Unique!'

    A painting
    A portrait
    A canvas
    With paint and drawings
    of she
    Of this broken woman
    Domestic violence
    Lost her baby
    So sad isn't it?
    Only 23

    The black curtains open, and a striking woman in black and white tiger-like make-up appears on the top of a ladder.
    She had a white ballerina outfit, her tutu as still as could be.
    There above her is a thick rope.
    The darkness peering through her eyes, as you can see the beautiful yet motioned expression on her face; welcoming and calm.

    So young
    Such youth
    Her humiliation
    Open and moot
    Back to this drawing
    The one she drew
    Of her gored history
    Her name, Unique
    Fits her way
    The way of her life
    Like no other
    Her life so rife

    She stares into the crowd and steps up to the rope slowly.
    The audience eager to see what she is about to do starts to shuffle words.
    'The Lovely Unique, at this moment, will show you...The Disappearing Turli.'
    The host says wickedly into the microphone with an evil sneer on his face.

    If she doesn't say sorry, her whole life
    comes to a halt
    Two miscarriages
    Thought it was all her fault

    She takes the rope and places it around her waist and waves her arms to the crowd.
    She walks further closer to the edge, the tension-oh the tension, you could feel in the air.
    A child looks to the charming ballerina, holding tighter his brown stuffed-bear.

    Again out of point
    the drawing,
    the paint
    splattered onto the canvas
    Of all her shame

    The eyes of this small child, watching as he sees her slowly tipping over the edge, still not in the air...not just yet.

    So this life came to a stop,
    saddened death
    The stop was caused by a shot
    the paint on that canvas-

    And now, as the host smiles this smirk so great, this little boys eyes water so sadly, worried, caring, anxious and concerned for this beauty and the audience watching so eagerly...
    This Lovely Unique falls
    and disappears.

    was actually her blood.

    Submitted on 2011-01-31 15:55:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Um...I'm not sure what to make of this. I haven't seen Chicago, so I've no real reference point. I know vaguely that the movie has a lot of cabaret dancing or summat, having seen the trailer years ago.

    Why did she put the rope around her waist rather than her neck? That seems a very inefficient way to hang oneself, if that is indeed what is going on here.

    And...that's it. Sorry, I didn't get much out of this, other than being confused and mildly disturbed. :/


    | Posted on 2015-06-06 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa. This is pretty raw.

    There were some parts which I didn't understand, like the end, that confused me a little, but this is a cool little story.

    You have described this story so well with such detail, I felt like I was there in the seats next to the little boy. Except it was a bit gory... In my interpretation.

    Personally, I would like to know the inspiration you had for this piece (other than Chicago, if any) and any other meanings behind this. I haven't watched Chicago, personally.

    You have confused some of the words, like "waste" is meant to be 'waist'. And "latter" should be 'ladder'. "Miss-carriages" -> Miscarriage.

    Also, in the first stanza, instead of repeating the word 'nice' I'm sure you can find a better word to replace it. :)

    You have the likes of a promising writer, keep up the good work.


    | Posted on 2011-02-02 00:00:00 | by DelicateEmbers | [ Reply to This ]

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