what if i choose poorly
(life is a mystery)
and i end up
(with no explanation.)
with the wrong one
(i can't make any sense)
when it should
have been you
(out of it)
(you're supposed to live
and die) without eachother
(and there's nothing
what do we have at all?
| life is all about choices: what could be, what could have been, what should have been, ah, perhaps...|
I like the duality of this, the possibility of accessing it in different layers.
Consider that it might open up possibilities for the reader if "poorly" was left out,
also, 'the wrong one' implies the same.
Consider also leaving out "at all" and finishing simply with "What do we have?"
I'm also rereading, rethinking that perhaps the unbracketed part could stand just fine on its own, but is it then still a conversation...perhaps the other is just background noise, interuptions to the conversation but necessary to it.
|| Posted on 2011-02-08 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ] |