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    dots Submission Name: conversations #39dots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsconversations #39dots

    what if i choose poorly

    (life is a mystery)

    and i end up

    (with no explanation.)

    with the wrong one

    (i can't make any sense)

    when it should

    have been you

    (out of it)

    all along.

    (you're supposed to live

    and die) without eachother

    (and there's nothing

    in between.)

    what do we have at all?

    Submitted on 2011-02-07 17:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      life is all about choices: what could be, what could have been, what should have been, ah, perhaps...

    I like the duality of this, the possibility of accessing it in different layers.

    Consider that it might open up possibilities for the reader if "poorly" was left out,
    also, 'the wrong one' implies the same.

    Consider also leaving out "at all" and finishing simply with "What do we have?"

    I'm also rereading, rethinking that perhaps the unbracketed part could stand just fine on its own, but is it then still a conversation...perhaps the other is just background noise, interuptions to the conversation but necessary to it.
    | Posted on 2011-02-08 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]

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