Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: conversations #40dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 931



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsconversations #40dots
    -------------------------------------------


    if i could only explain

    (the deep ocean creatures

    of) myself



    (your eyes drown out) better

    (the shallowness of others.)



    at the right moments.

    (with a single

    watery look)

    i'm often lost

    for words

    and (ancient bricks

    of layered coral)



    my mouth

    won't make the sounds

    (that flow out

    through your salty lips,)

    that say i need you



    (flood the room)

    because i'm better off

    with you

    (with your lovely brine)



    i thought i would be. (made

    from the skeletons

    of a million discarded fish.)





    Submitted on 2011-02-07 17:22:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "if I could only explain
    (the deep ocean creatures
    of) myself"

    is just a killer opening. I've noticed that a recurring theme is relating your self to fish, & I find this so intriguing, & here it is again, presenting itself. I'm curious about this. Is there are reason? Is it just a natural simulation? I'd love to know.

    "(with your lovely brine)" is also a great line. Your page is like a gold mine or some archeological dig. I want to treasure each poem, but also handle them with care.
    | Posted on 2011-02-10 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189288

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry