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of two people I once knew (you and I) in a world not so far away. And yet it's difficult to pinpoint exactly precisely indefinitely when this moment in time took place. Fleeting whispers and shadows of makeshift memories lay motionless soundless (shameless) on a piece of paper. Transparent displays of flirtation, faces concealed from each other under the guise of lovers; tracing the panic of teenage romance This is our story preserved & neglected. |
Its very well written, I think it ended just right, I would change how the first line is the title. You could still leave the title the same but just add it into the body of it as well. But that doesn't really change the poem over all more of a personal preference :P| Posted on 2011-02-23 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ] | i think like the first comment but i thot it was very well put together | the sequence of the words paints a piture and thats what a ooem should do well done sandman | Posted on 2011-02-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ] | it feels like this ended a little too soon, like you could of let us know a little bit more info. this is a half empty cup situation, with the potential to be better. its a very good start tho | | Posted on 2011-02-08 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ] | |