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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: These Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 461
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 726



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know these eyes.
    I have seen them, some where
    They resemble a feeling I have felt between lives,
    between,
    the residual gap of a last breath,
    and the sudden awakening of another.
    These eyes,
    have existed, somewhere
    surrounded by a familiar scenery.
    All the colours had sunk,
    shapes and objects made no sense.
    Only,these eyes in black and white
    consumed the light,
    the delicate aura of something old.

    These eyes
    I now see before me,
    between shapes, objects
    and colours,
    still consuming the light
    of rooms and sceneries.
    Eyes that have escaped a soul's past memory.




    Submitted on 2011-02-08 15:18:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      For some reason I felt the layout to be distracting from what could be. Simply spacing this out more could lend this piece an entirely different feeling while reading; pace it out better.


    I know these eyes,
    have seen them somewhere.
    They resemble a feeling I have felt between lives,
    between
    the residual gap
    of a last breath,
    and the sudden awakening of another.

    These eyes
    have existed somewhere,
    surrounded by familiar scenery:
    all the colours had sunk,
    shapes and objects made no sense, only

    these eyes in black and white
    consumed the light,
    the delicate aura of something old.

    These eyes
    I now see before me,
    between shapes, objects
    and colours,
    still consume the light
    of rooms and sceneries.

    They are eyes that have escaped a soul's past memory.


    *******

    I hope this helps. Still, I had the feeling there was something more that could have been captured... this piece hovers on the edge of something that could be quite good.

    Maybe that was the feeling you were trying for... after all, seeing into someone's eyes as though through a past life is never something easy to describe.

    Take Care,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2011-02-08 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      'They resemble a feeling I have felt between lives,
    between,
    the residual gap of a last breath,
    and the sudden awakening of another.'

    i really like this. the idea of the whole piece. and i wonder sometimes if that feeling is real or something that i would just like to believe (speaking for myself of course). i've always had this longing like i've missed 'those eyes' all my life. and somehow, we are just on different plains of existence almost touching, or almost seeing, but never quite.

    anyhoo...

    i like where this takes me.
    | Posted on 2011-02-08 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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