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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Melanzane*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Santi
    Elite Ratio:    7.28 - 299/307/90
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 238



    Description:
       I think I'll just title all my poems in Italian. That way they sound fancy.

    *Eggplants

    Just what I came home to.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMelanzane*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    in my home,
    shabby but comfortable,
    mamma has left two plump eggplants,
    placed them right in the center
    of the living room:

    kin Buddhas
    to be revered.




    Submitted on 2011-02-10 19:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it.

    mamma

    plump egg plants

    kin buddhus:

    that makes me think of home, mamma (your mamma actually), and it seems like something of a love yourself, love who you are statement, coming from here (we are this, we come from here), a gesture, a bit of symbolism. where else but the living room right? out of place- so perfectly suited. i reckon that's good-mum.

    i think the introduction make bear some looking at. it works, but it's not as natural as the buddha thing, therefore it's a bit like mechanics, seams- wear your shirt inside out and it won't take a minute- but you will draw some comment.

    so i'd say, maybe try some different approaches to just the start of it. actually, just the second line. shabby and comfortable.

    in my home is keeper stuff, it's like the woman has a key. and that thought is lovely when paired with kin and paired with the shapes of those buddhas.

    Also: hola.
    | Posted on 2011-03-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]
      Santi, come va?

    a few thoughts: i really love the homeliness of this piece and think it is quite striking in its simplicity. ive always love to read a piece that reflects a particular/common moment so beautifully. we must remember that life is consists mostly of these ordinary moments. its like when one breaks off a relationship. yes, the great moments are remember, but after long contemplation, its the unique everyday moments that become most tender.

    "mama", to me brings this piece home. maybe its our Italian heritage, but we love our mamas. i also really adore the "kin Buddhas" . really sweet image and line. brings so much of a meditative quality to ur write. btw, my mother is obsessed with eggplant!!

    again, great job!

    -john-paul
    | Posted on 2011-02-12 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      I like where you're going, but just think you're not there yet.

    shabby but comfortable is telling rather than showing, and this thing is all about the image, right? Eggplants as buddhas on the other hand, is a wonderful image. I disagree with the previous comment that in my home is grounding the eggplants enough. I don't even think the center of the living room is enough. Seems like they are floating somewhere. They need a table or a bowl or a floor - something.

    You said kin Buddhas, and I'm thinking you meant twin Buddhas, but I could be wrong.

    Oh, and your title is singular, but the image is in plural.

    annie
    | Posted on 2011-02-12 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the color of eggplants.

    and this write is warm and cozy and inviting. like something to curl up in. snuggly. (and all meant in the best possible way).

    it's humble.

    as well, i like the idea of the eggplants being left. like a little bit of love. a hug.

    just wanted to say - yes. i liked.

    | Posted on 2011-02-11 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      Italian titles are definitely a way to go. Meh. I hate titling stuff. It makes me feel silly. In a bad way. Like a precocious child. Or summat.

    Anyhoo...

    I like this one. I have no nitpickery.

    In particular I'm digging mamma. And how that feels after shabby and confortable. Like a warm boot, or a hot stew, or pyjamas. And I love anything that makes me think of pyjamas (I am in fact wearing them right now).

    I like that this is located while being dislocated- in your home, but we don't know where this is. I do like poems which have a place, there's a vibrancy in that, I think; but placeless poems are relateable in a way that other poems aren't. But you needed a little locating, to ground this, centre it, and that 'in my home' does that job for you.

    I'm also digging the meditative quality here- it's quiet, understated even, but there's this idea of faith and warmth to be found. Softly.

    The plump eggplants speak to me of fecundity, abundance-- and then moving into labelling them as buddhas echoes that, and makes that idea more solid. I also like how I feel that you've given these eggplants a significance-- something holy found in the centre of your home.

    I like dailiness given this quality of importance, finding poetry in the little things, good or bad or whatever-- but noting them, and finding meaning there.

    Have I mentioned Katharine Kilalea yet? She has a lot of quirk, and her metaphors are almost obscene in how simple and daily they are, yet how fitting. She's my best.

    So, yup. I like this. Understated and lovely.
    | Posted on 2011-02-11 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]


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