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    dots Submission Name: Taken Awaydots

    Author: Belle De Jour
    ASL Info:    24/Female/Inside
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 335/367/53
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1204
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569

       When life is no longer your own...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTaken Awaydots

    It has fallen away from my grasp
    Into the hands of another

    A master who controls
    Pulling and tugging me along
    Managing my leaps and bounds
    A puppet I have become

    Inside of this wooden soul
    I yearn to breathe and dance
    Ruled by only self-control
    As I have always dreamed
    To gallop through the meadow

    These are things I wish
    Upon shooting stars
    In the darkness of night
    As a real tear falls from
    My fake marble eye

    Submitted on 2004-07-28 01:11:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      first off, wow. deep stuff, real deep. i like that. sense of loss of control, yet you still know what's happening, still conscious. hm... reminds me of senior year.
    congrats, you've found your way to my fav list.
    | Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, I liked the first stanza of only 2 lines. It kind of stands out like a bold statement of prologue. It really sets the tone for what is to come. Clever. I also wanted to acknowledge the subtle rhyme scheme that transcends the individual stanza's to encompass the entire work. Not obvious, but enough to spice the work up. This is one of those poems that you really don't capture all of the beauty with just one read. It takes a few times through to notice the subtleties within. Much like a woman I suppose.
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      i see so many different meanings in this poem. i see life, acceptance (or lack of), and a yearning for freedom. you portray this "doll" as if you and it are the same, and i like that.

    the one thing that stands out most to me in this poem is a feel of being a real-life puppet. the emotions flow through. very nice work.
    | Posted on 2004-07-28 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]

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