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    dots Submission Name: A Tempest Dropping Firedots

    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 377
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2423

       "Are not you mov'd, when all the away of earth
    Shakes like a thing unfirm? O, Cicero
    I have seen tempests, when the scolding winds
    Have riv'd the knotty oaks; And I have seen
    The ambitious ocean swell, and rage, and foam,
    To be exalted with the threat'ning clouds:
    But never till to-night, never till now,
    Did I go through a tempest dropping fire.
    Either there is a civil strife in heaven;
    Or else the world, too saucy with the gods,
    Incenses them to send destruction."
    -The Tragedy Of Julius Caeser

    I've been reading some Shakespear tonight and these words stuck in my mind. I take no credit for this peice because it was inspired by a masters work. However, this is what came to mind after I read these lines from "Julius Caeser". It's slightly long but tell me what you think!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Tempest Dropping Firedots

    Tonight, I fear,
    Tomorrow may never come.

    Tonight, I feel,
    The sky itself will split upon its brow,
    Only to swallow this city whole.

    These windows, their whispers,
    They softly creep into the mind.
    Can you feel the tension?
    It seeps onto the promenade,
    As it softly, gently,
    Feels its way to the hearts of men.

    Can you feel the steady hum?
    It is the very core of this earth,
    It shakes with these tidings of destruction;
    It is the slow, unwavering
    Disentegration of all that exists,
    It is existence itself
    Crashing onto the rocks,
    Dashed by the tide
    Into so many shards of reality.
    The whole world itself
    Is drowning in this sea,
    This steady filling
    Of a vessel soon to overflow,
    Or break down the center
    And release its very essence into the Abyss.

    Even the trees, those monoliths of old,
    Seem to be quivering, shaking with the wind,
    Like so much kindling
    Preparing to be lit aflame
    And set to the pyre;
    Rest assured no pheonix rests here.

    Even the mountains, those guardians of age,
    Seem to be sinking, falling with the hills,
    Like so many pebbles
    Preparing to be lost to the sea
    And forgotten in the depths;
    Rest assured no sailor shall tread here.

    So I sit, motionless,
    Wishing to be a part of that mass of stone that is the earth,
    To simply ride out the storm,
    To save myself from this punishment.
    But no man can save his own skin, the weak impudent vessel,
    A soul soon to be lost to darkness and water.
    Fear is but an afterthought, a shadow of a thread
    Lost in the knot of this terror.
    I feel nothing but the cold, numb sensability
    Of a man consigned to his death.

    I had seen, or so I thought,
    All this world had to offer.
    So, foolishly I asked the gods to strike me,
    For I said that nothing they could conjure
    Would shake me from my pedestal.
    I said that in all their pitiful creation
    Nothing could strike me from my mark,
    For I had seen it all.

    But never till tonight, never till now,
    Have I gone through a tempest dropping fire.

    Submitted on 2004-07-28 02:13:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      *sigh* i just had to read this again. it tops my faves so easily. thanks for the phenomenal read once more.

    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ]
      ooohhh.... i am so VERY impressed! this was so simply wonderful!!! this felt like it was written so very long ago... Everything fits perfectly: the words, the scenes, the smoothness of the style. so very awesome and eloquently written. i'd have to say that length is no matter for this one as i could have continued to read it no matter how long it got (and Nooooo ...that is NOT a challenge to write something super long JUST to spite me...lol). as for corrections: 4th paragraph; last line: "its" does not need an apostrophe as that would make it the contraction "it is" instead of possessive as you meant it to be. next: 6th paragraph; first line: "guardians" is spelt wrong -- Just fix those things and i think it should be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. keep this type of thing up and i'll have to hurt you as my favorites list is getting WAY TOO FULL with your stuff alone! lol... hope to read more like this soon... Once again i feel belittled and insufficient next to your work, and yet, somehow, i still come back to it. XOXO dandan
    | Posted on 2004-07-28 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      i most definitely must bow to this work. i have to critiques on this- the language is stunning, the scenes set perfectly, the wordplay brilliant. it makes me feel so small and imperfect... ;)

    is this one of your best work? ( in your own opinion ). if you don't think so, let me read some more by you! this could fall into 'classics' so easy- some would never catch that it was written in a modern time frame.

    i hate to just sit here and drone on and on about how wonderful it is, but hey, it's not everyday you see a masterpiece sitting on your laptop screen. you're only 16? like i said... i feel so puny...

    best in writing,

    p.s. your writing sounds more 'greek' than 'european' to me. just a thought though.
    | Posted on 2004-07-28 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ]

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