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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: After I Diedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 361



    Description:
       


    I saw a butterfly today. I was sitting all by myself after school (cuz Christian, he friggen ditched Swimming Carnival and I didn't have anyone to talk to on the bus).
    And it inspired me. Well. If that's what you call inspiration. meh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfter I Diedots
    -------------------------------------------


    After I die
    I want to be reborn
    as a butterfly.

    I may not be beautiful
    in this life, but later
    I might feel nature's pull.

    Or maybe my broken soul
    doesn't deserve an
    animal pure and whole.

    (After I die
    I won't be reborn -
    and no one will cry).




    Submitted on 2011-02-17 01:32:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi there everwhere. I reread your poem "after I die" and it came to mind that I also wrote a poem tittled "Dark Butterfly"
    Mayby you care to read it. luv jm
    | Posted on 2011-03-31 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      I truly believe someone out there would say the last line perfectly describes how mysterious death is, especially involving time dealing with the last chance to know what the people who were in your lives think or thought of you.I thought of the spirit world but that's something else and this is on another level.

    I heard of a saying that instead of going to hell or heaven that people would be more satisfied with becoming a ghost or spirit that roams and wanders the earth either with a negative presence or a one of pure good that has somewhat a mission, assignment.

    How will one leaves the life experience for good only to enter another major stage they have no idea what that stage is like is one of the biggest mystery of human kind in my opinion.
    And so the thought of what people think of he or she the very moment participating at their funeral.

    The thought of a butterfly being reborn reminds me of Forest Gump, at the end when the feather floats away from the bus stop he sits on.Instead of a feather I think of a butterfly floating away like that feather did.

    Here's another thought for you.If you ever happens to see a butterfly do something you consider extraordinary right in front of your eyes then that could most likely mean something good for you ahead.This piece to me can go different ways on having you think from different aspects.Like the butterfly means rebirth but also it means growth.

    Then the thought comes to mind of how many people in the world are caged and locked away and have not seen a butterfly in years, let alone anything of pure beautiful and earthly nature so the butterfly theme trace gives it the light and the piece isn't even really gloomy because if you think about it tons of people question and think of these types of things everyday.

    The message I got from this was death is a part of life and life should be lived rather optimistically than pessimistically because the cloud that is over death has a climate of surprise that really no one sees coming.I suppose it could teach one to be more grateful.I see two worlds.One is of the butterflies world, as the sun ray glosses it crisp thin wings, fluttering over a daisy or riding some breeze over blades of grass..

    And then there is the second world, the one of the broken soul.We all mostly want to be reborn because we ask ourselves wouldn't we do things so much more better if we could start over clean and fresh with pain and all the things erased that gave the first splinter and crack into the soul causing a crevasse.I would say deep for 3,4,4,3.

    At least I believe so.Made me have a realistic train of thought and I didn't find this a bit disturbing at all in any way.But YOU ARE beautiful and that even will grow with you as well butterfly.One day, you will break the cocoon you need to be out of and have the new lease on life you deserve.I guess Butterflies were reborn because things just sucked more being a catepillar haha don't know for sure about that.

    Hey did you know in the itty bitty tiny brains of insects that scientists have discovered that insects look at humans as somewhat aliens of the earth because we are not a part of their ecosystem.Like wow haha.

    Though I can a little bit imagine you sitting on a school bus writing and looking out of the window next to you jotting with those pair of eyes right into ray beaming of the window glass.Hmmmm

    You sure did have me thinking on this one here.No doubt.

    | Posted on 2011-03-09 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      Hola Chica

    I've been pondering this one for a few days now, and I have a couple of thoughts, if that's ok?

    Firstly, I dig your theme-- rebirth appeals to me at the moment, though I'm more into the idea of being reborn in a more psychical sense, something along the lines of the soul being like a phoenix or the such. That's an aside :) I guess I just mean to say that I like your theme, and yes, I do have a tendency to waffle!

    The sparseness of this, too, appeals- I tend toward the verbose, and I envy and respect writers who can work so succintly, concisely, and still manage to bring a layered piece to fruition.

    After I die
    I want to be reborn
    as a butterfly.

    I may not be beautiful
    in this life, but later
    I might feel nature's pull--

    or maybe my {broken} soul
    doesn't deserve an
    creature, pure and whole.

    ({Maybe} after I die
    I won't be reborn -
    and no one will cry).

    Those little edits. I had a fiddle with grammar to make this a smoother read-- I hope that's ok.

    My thoughts re broken is that that word is tired when applied to the word soul, and I think a more startling word would do well here, fragmented, perhaps, shattered? Something which holds that idea of brokenness inherent, yet makes the idea of it seem fresh, you know?

    I added that maybe to ease the repetition and/or transition from nice thoughts to bleak thoughts, and to add that repetition, maybe, recalls what you said about maybe not deserving an animal's soul, or body. So it's a double repetition, but I think it could work here, and it makes that last part recall all of what came before. A useful technique.

    I switched animal to creature because that's a more delicate word, more fitting with the idea of beauty and purity and butterflies. Though that's a personal preference thing, I think, so if you prefer animal then definitely leave it as it is.

    Anyway-- this is a quietly lovely piece, understated yet significant, the brevity of it allowing your ideas to breathe long and hard inside our heads.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2011-02-22 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      I've just woken up (I always feel like a zombie, so 'reborn' struck me as accurate), and although I would not like to be a butterfly (are you kidding? Look at that wing span! and so delicate... I'd lose patience more likely & mess myself up the 1st day), I think I might like a do-over and become some other creature that doesn't remember being this one. Then I thought about the caterpillar stage (which you by-pass, good for you, and go straight to the butterfly), and then I started really waking up on what you were saying in "reborn as..." and I re-read your poem 2 more times. It's very lovely. Truly so. But it also poked some little pinhole in my head that maybe the re-incarnant theorists have it off in that we evolve UP to man... maybe we start as man and spread out into animals... maybe Man is not the ultimate goal. Sure, we have thumbs and we can blow up the world... but we still haven't figured out how to live One With The Earth. So who's to say, this is better?

    Flutter on, butterfly-girl. Thanks for the lovely words and deep thoughts this morning :)
    | Posted on 2011-02-17 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi butterfly or not butterfly you are beautiful and have a glamorous smile. Be happy! You shall be reborn and no mirror will be able to hide your countenance of sheer beauty.
    Joachim.

    | Posted on 2011-02-17 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this piece, like the rhyme scheme...

    the hopefulness of the butterfly...then how that is dashed by self degradation --
    and the very sad ending...if i don't exist again, no one will cry...

    the only hiccup i had with this piece was "animal"

    doesn't feel a fit with Butterfly...may exchange that word "animal" for something softer...

    otherwise...so excellent...i keep going back to the last three lines...they really work...

    nice contrast to the first stanza...
    | Posted on 2011-02-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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