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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A World Under Firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    21/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 165/83/37
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 354
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589



    Description:
       When I started writing this I didn't even know what it was going to mean...
    My mind just needed to open up a little, and my pen was around to do it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA World Under Firedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A world wrapped in ribbons,
    But coated again in rain.
    The greed we live and die for,
    Will keep us all encaged.

    Smiles beneath the blood shed,
    A heart that's worth the break
    The love we close our eyes to
    Is the mist that makes our rage.

    These voices in the darkness,
    A scream lost in the wind.
    Still we wait for sunshine,
    But hold onto our sin.

    A broken wish is sealed
    In a letter from the past.
    We hae to clean this mess up,
    Or humanity won't last.




    Submitted on 2011-02-18 13:46:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      and of course.."it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

    i also agree with that concept...well, your poem has me feeling and thinking.
    | Posted on 2011-02-18 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      next to last line ...do you mean "have"?

    i like the beat of this...the slant rhyme/near rhyme works so well...i love near rhyme because it is almost as opposed to sing-songy---
    and the constant opposition in the lines, the good and bad mixed together...very nice to do that...
    all the paradoxes fit to what love does...

    it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy while it breaks your heart...

    be wary...love moderately and smartly...aw crap...i wish i could go back to being naive..and not knowing the bad part...
    this poem shows such awareness...

    thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2011-02-18 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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