Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Calistoga Snow Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Santi
    Elite Ratio:    7.28 - 299/307/90
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 645
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 517



    Description:
       Okay, so snow days in Calistoga aren't much, snow-wise, but it's still nice to cozy up indoors.

    &: contains mildly mildly explicit content. For any children reading this out there, in which case where are your parents?!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCalistoga Snow Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    the before-snow sky
    lasts like

    the perpetual twilight
    of a day

    when drinking begins
    early & extends

    an arm over the shoulder
    of the afternoon.

    &, because not in the office,
    we can lay here

    across the bed
    wholly naked & fuck

    once, twice,
    however many times,

    until we reach
    brim-full.





    Submitted on 2011-02-25 11:31:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this piece is a really nice flow to it. it both lulls the senses and stimulates them. its almost like a monotoned person speaking sexy. that monochromatic, staccato sensuality - like snow softly falling.

    there are sweet images here. at first you paint the picture of the snow; its cold, blank. but it begins to rev up steadily until the reader is full.

    i really love the bestial, raw enjambment of "f#$k". its striking in its honesty. it jars the reader from the hypnotic flow of the snow flowing, as it were.
    however, i cant decide on wheather i prefer "F@$k" of
    "c u m". i think both are great, but im learning toward the former -"c u m". its just more naughty than the other. it plays well off the purity of snow - ya know?

    overall, another fine write.
    -jp
    | Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      love the casual sex theme, as jacob said... funny words, Casual Sex... We're not exactly friends, we're just primal
    ...
    Loved the style and wording as well. Very effective and readable, deep without overcomplicating.... yes, really loved this one.
    | Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      your spacing is really good. i was coasting along with this, i think i even drifted off the road with the cue of imagery and then managed some sort of two things at once thing still thinking but, yes reading too (two things at onceness) it's morning here and i'm lying in bed instead of rushing about working. the poem just sort of found me in that relaxed state and so i kept reading and thinking and being a bit lost in the world. Anyway, the end was like a gaggle of ducklings, "fuc'k sakes! look at the ducklings" and i'm swerving to get back on to the road.

    it made me say in my head. dirty girl

    and it's not that you are, or that i am a perve, it's that surprise factor, the way attraction can startle you, the way bare talk can startle.

    it's a lovely poem all through.
    | Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the allusion of sex to having one, two, three cups of coffee...an arm over the shoulder/ of the afternoon---and the before snow sky could be an allusion to another drug...

    we start with drink...then have caffeine sex to squelch the high..and then look at the snow...and get tempted..again...

    and was it good for you?

    picturesque in its way.

    and the office reference i see more as just letting us know this is a secluded place...only us...out of sight from others...

    not necessarily a work place...but away from a working relationship...the hum drum of it...for some casual sex...

    pour me another.

    even though it should be "lie" rather than "lay" grammatically...poetic license comes into effect...and it works better how you have it..

    like dylan's "lay lady lay"
    | Posted on 2011-02-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189603

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry