this piece is a really nice flow to it. it both lulls the senses and stimulates them. its almost like a monotoned person speaking sexy. that monochromatic, staccato sensuality - like snow softly falling.
there are sweet images here. at first you paint the picture of the snow; its cold, blank. but it begins to rev up steadily until the reader is full.
i really love the bestial, raw enjambment of "f#$k". its striking in its honesty. it jars the reader from the hypnotic flow of the snow flowing, as it were.
however, i cant decide on wheather i prefer "F@$k" of
"c u m". i think both are great, but im learning toward the former -"c u m". its just more naughty than the other. it plays well off the purity of snow - ya know?
love the casual sex theme, as jacob said... funny words, Casual Sex... We're not exactly friends, we're just primal
Loved the style and wording as well. Very effective and readable, deep without overcomplicating.... yes, really loved this one.
your spacing is really good. i was coasting along with this, i think i even drifted off the road with the cue of imagery and then managed some sort of two things at once thing still thinking but, yes reading too (two things at onceness) it's morning here and i'm lying in bed instead of rushing about working. the poem just sort of found me in that relaxed state and so i kept reading and thinking and being a bit lost in the world. Anyway, the end was like a gaggle of ducklings, "fuc'k sakes! look at the ducklings" and i'm swerving to get back on to the road.
it made me say in my head. dirty girl
and it's not that you are, or that i am a perve, it's that surprise factor, the way attraction can startle you, the way bare talk can startle.