[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 627
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 708

       please dont be to harsh on me. i really just had to get this out. there was no revising or editing i just wrote and this what came out. it made me feel better. thanks for reading

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    time wont continue
    the lies wont stop
    waiting losing patience
    there is no clock

    stuck in a life
    living in circles
    there's no way out
    the feeling cripples

    to you, i say, bravo
    actor of the year
    help you..no, no more


    so was i
    till i realized the lie

    time wont continue
    the lies wont stop
    helping losing patience
    your like talking to a rock

    stuck in a life
    living in cirlcles
    there's plenty of ways out
    your lack of trying. cripples

    Submitted on 2011-03-01 20:31:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i'm glad it made you feel better :) poetry always helps. a badass poet (at least, i consider him one) once wrote, "...our eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself, it is best to compose a poem--an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope."

    but if in a few days--a few weeks, months, years, whatever--you have some distance from this and feel up to editing, here is what i recommend.

    ... as a reader, i want something to grasp onto. i understand that in this moment, it's for yourself and purely emotive, but if, one day, you want to overhaul it, i would start by giving us some details. you don't have to spill your guts and retell the whole story, but little snapshots that help to illustrate what you're feeling would be nice. everyone says, "show, don't tell," and i think it's a good phrase to live by. why say time won't continue and the lies won't stop when you could show us what you mean? it packs a more powerful punch, and it has a lot more potential for impact.

    anyway, i wasn't trying to be mean. just giving some thoughts :) i love how poetry, just writing it, can make you feel 383802052309175752 times better. and yes, i was confused, but that doesn't really matter. what matters is this helped you, in the moment. thanks for letting me see a little slice of the inside of your head.
    | Posted on 2011-03-01 00:00:00 | by pasttense | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Fasade written by jackz
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]