Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 708



    Description:
       please dont be to harsh on me. i really just had to get this out. there was no revising or editing i just wrote and this what came out. it made me feel better. thanks for reading


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    time wont continue
    the lies wont stop
    waiting losing patience
    there is no clock

    stuck in a life
    living in circles
    there's no way out
    the feeling cripples

    to you, i say, bravo
    actor of the year
    help you..no, no more

    confused?

    so was i
    till i realized the lie

    time wont continue
    the lies wont stop
    helping losing patience
    your like talking to a rock

    stuck in a life
    living in cirlcles
    there's plenty of ways out
    your lack of trying. cripples











    Submitted on 2011-03-01 20:31:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i'm glad it made you feel better :) poetry always helps. a badass poet (at least, i consider him one) once wrote, "...our eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself, it is best to compose a poem--an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope."

    but if in a few days--a few weeks, months, years, whatever--you have some distance from this and feel up to editing, here is what i recommend.


    ... as a reader, i want something to grasp onto. i understand that in this moment, it's for yourself and purely emotive, but if, one day, you want to overhaul it, i would start by giving us some details. you don't have to spill your guts and retell the whole story, but little snapshots that help to illustrate what you're feeling would be nice. everyone says, "show, don't tell," and i think it's a good phrase to live by. why say time won't continue and the lies won't stop when you could show us what you mean? it packs a more powerful punch, and it has a lot more potential for impact.

    anyway, i wasn't trying to be mean. just giving some thoughts :) i love how poetry, just writing it, can make you feel 383802052309175752 times better. and yes, i was confused, but that doesn't really matter. what matters is this helped you, in the moment. thanks for letting me see a little slice of the inside of your head.
    | Posted on 2011-03-01 00:00:00 | by pasttense | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189679

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Just a fantasy written by TiaanK
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Shading written by saartha
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Revised written by Darkwarrior
    X written by homeless
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    your truest people written by Daniel Barlow
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    Eyes written by homeless
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry