Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dotted Line dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AshleyDYoung
    ASL Info:    19/F/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 28/33/34
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1296



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDotted Line dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sit here trying to write a poem of love,
    But I lack inspiration. Is that cause my
    Love has gone cold? Or cause my love
    Is at a standstill. One screaming to another
    NO YOU MOVE FIRST!

    This is a never-ending battle of which the
    Soldiers hunger for nothing but resistance
    And thirst for nothing but the blood of its loved one.

    Grief and disbelief are holding me down, with a knife
    To my throat, creating tiny red bubbles against my skin.

    How can I love with every fiber when I lack inspiration in
    Even myself now, yet I still have belief in you. My heart
    Is screaming for me to go go go, but my mind is saying hell no.

    Does it make me love you any less? No, my love always has been
    And always will be yours. Here let me show you, hand me a pen
    And ill sign my love away, as if it wasnt already yours. But my love,
    Hand me a pen and Ill sign away what I once thought was mine.
    You can have my heart and my soul.

    Whats that you say? You only want them to toy with?
    Yes this I know, but hand me the pen, ill sign
    Do you want this done with blood or tears?
    Youre choice, either way with one word its yours.




    Submitted on 2011-03-03 12:05:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      one thing for flow...careful of spellings on the contractions

    i'll ---wasn't -what's--i'll again...and last line "it's yours"
    just so we can feel the full impact and not be distracted by doing editing at the same time...
    | Posted on 2011-03-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      when i can no longer believe in myself, i still believe in you...

    but this inertia is driving me mad, causing a war in my heart...

    i can't retreat, and i can't march forward...

    i just await your move.
    | Posted on 2011-03-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189724

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry