Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I amdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheInvisible
    ASL Info:    22/f/The Valley of Doom
    Elite Ratio:    2.06 - 51/55/37
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 389
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 377



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI amdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am the bleakest light of day,
    the mournful whisper in your ear.
    I am the broken promise of yesterday,
    the imagined dream of tomorrow.
    I am all that you wished for,
    and all that you wish you've never seen.
    I am all.
    I am nothing.
    The eternity that yawns in it's emptiness.
    The here and now.
    I am.




    Submitted on 2011-03-06 02:23:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow! despite its depressing tone. wow!

    hush! i wont change a syllable in this.
    | Posted on 2011-03-10 00:00:00 | by ShiveringFire | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. the only thing i would maybe consider changing is:

    'I am the broken promise of yesterday,
    the imagined dream of tomorrow.'

    and only because the yesterday/tomorrow thing borders on cliché.

    maybe just lop off the two words and leave it at:

    I am the broken promise,
    the imagined dream.

    'The eternity that yawns in it's emptiness' = a great thought. ha! eternity yawning. sweet that.

    'i am' is always an interesting place to land. pondering-wise, at least. i am (insert something here). yes, i am (insert something else, here).

    i think most people (well at least i do) ponder the intracies of where we stand in it all. if anything, life is this strange and crazy journey trying to find out.

    the all. the nothing. i can totally relate to that. i am either the 1 or the 10 on any given scale. i don't see much gray.

    anyhoo...

    just some thoughts...
    | Posted on 2011-03-08 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    189766

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry