As I am sitting here writing this I am confused about how I feel. Yeah, she slammed the door shut and left this house. But, I'm still sitting here. I'm letting her go this time. I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm not going to chase her any more. It was fun when we were teenagers but we're grown adults now. I have a job, a house, and working on a second degree. Not to mention I have to pay bills now. I'm sorry you can't adapt to adulthood. Maybe you should stay with daddy a little longer. I am my own person. I can die tomorrow and the preacher can tell the crowd I was a self made man. I'm in the middle of a career change that she can't handle. How on Earth she thinks me being a firefighter is worse than me being a soldier I'll never know.
Should I feel sad? Then why don't I? Maybe she has done this one too many times. I want to call her or send her a text, but I am not playing this game any more. To hell with that. As I said, I'm a grown man.
Yeah, my plate is full. Probably too full. I'm in class three days a week trying to get my paramedics license, and I'm in class three nights a week for another fire fighters class. I work thirty hours a week. And on the weekends I make sure to spend time with my fatherless nephew. Why you can't accept the fact that I can not, will not quit I will never know.
Tomorrow is another day. I'll wake up at 6:30 and go to school. I'll leave there and get some lunch. After that I will go back to class. If you would just learn to accept that I would then come running home to you.
When my day has been too hard and I'm on the verge of tears because I saw someone's kid they nearly beat to death all you care about is how much attention I pay to you. When I fall of a ladder trying to save someone's house from burning to the ground all you care about is going to see a movie.
But when you have had a long hard day I want you on my shoulder. When you wrecked your car I cut you out of your car. I didn't even get out of my turn out gear and rode with you to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. I splinted your leg while the medic started an IV. Then when we got to the hospital I waited for hours and never once complained. I was worried sick the whole time. Then I had an opportunity to leave with my mom to get some food you threw a fit.
Remember when I was in the hospital? Remember that one summer when I had a heat stroke? Remember I had a fever of 105? Yeah that one time I nearly died. Remember what you said to me? How the hell could I call my parents first instead of you?
Yeah screw this. Walk out. I do not care. But I promise you this, when you come to your senses tomorrow after I get out of class I won't be there to accept your apology this time. It will not be all right.