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    dots Submission Name: Optimistic Train Wreckdots

    Author: Runes
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790/815/281
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1262


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOptimistic Train Wreckdots

    Click-clack, click-clack, I'm rolling backwards
    as this train keeps plunging forward.
    Clack-clack click, it's quite the trick
    to keep the pace I ought to.
    Meanwhile, if I could stretch to see what's waiting
    up the bend for me, I might not like my Destiny
    and try to jump mid-station.

    Choo-choo-chew it up and spew it out,
    no doubt the wheels are sparking, rusty squeals
    the iron feels like it could melt at any moment.
    Pull the whistle chain, the strain of one long scream
    will clear the crossings, while red lights flash through
    the night, yet I ignore their warnings.

    And should I stick my neck out, no doubt
    some close limb will surely sever, but if so,
    the way things go, Detached might work out better.
    Without a brain, my body goes along the set path,
    never slows, and who needs the constant shift
    that brings "What if...?" and ruins the motion.

    Best to not know how it ends,
    or I might jump off track again...
    so I'll sit back, enjoy the ride
    till I plunge off the mountainside.

    Submitted on 2011-03-09 23:42:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I sometimes feel as if I am on a runaway train...unable to gain control of events as the stations whiz past me....Here, you have put into words all the feelings that go along with that experience. The optimist would say to "sit back and enjoy the ride", since life is a journey, but since the train is out of control, that "plunge off the mountainside" looms ever so close.....

    i love the train metaphor here....the visual and auditory imagery you use work so well to reinforce the power and life force suggested....

    excellent write. i can relate.....
    | Posted on 2011-04-04 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      so a disclaimer of sorts: on my 3rd j&c and i'm feeling painless at the moment... i've become optimistic, even if i can't write a [censored] thing.

    i like the sound in this. the chug a chug chug going on. (hell, a train rolls right behind my house. every coupla hours or so, hauling coal or empty cars). i guess what i am trying to say, is i can hear it.

    i keep thinking about the title... how one has to be optimistic when trains wreck. i mean where looking for survivors is concerned. kinda reminds me of bruce willis being the only one to walk away in that movie (whose name i can't recall at the moment).

    and [censored] funny enough, there it goes, the train tooting it's horn.... hahahahhaha.

    ah, when to jump off or enjoy the ride. wherever it may take us.

    (okay, so none of this makes sense. really, i just wanted to say hiya and all)

    | Posted on 2011-03-10 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      nice oxymoron of a title also.
    | Posted on 2011-03-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      good way to put in words what you are feeling rignt now...no doubt, you are getting it out.

    the train sounds...the engine momentum..the in-line rhyme, really works...but suggestions...

    some words that could be taken out and even improve the rhythm more maybe?

    third line, second stanza.."like"
    third stanza...lines 4,5 and 6...all three "the's"
    and maybe the "at" in line three of second stanza...

    i found myself getting in and out of rhythm as i read this...but so much gets that motion..like a commotion and things spinning out of control..

    like much.
    | Posted on 2011-03-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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