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forgot to mention how Pilar's budgie
is in love with a toilet paper tube.
it fluffs its crown & wings,
struts of course,
then rubs its brow & attempts
to stick its head in the tube.
[I'm thinking it needs to watch
some sex education videos circa 1974]
p.s. do you love me enough
to strut & preen?
| I think you have a concept here, a novel one, to explore and make something really good|
It's too scratchy, not enough on it: not enough use of words
The p.s at the end turns it around well, and makes the observation mean something, but I think you need to make more of the observation - its a poem on a beermat - and that is always the start of what ends up, not what is
But what do I know :-)
|| Posted on 2011-03-14 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ] || this is surprising, you (the reader) are so focused on the parrot you don't see the loviness coming.|
the parrot... the tube... the circa....
just the business that closing.
i love when small thoughts do a lot of work and yours does, it makes you think of this colourful couple as opposed to black and white.
those connectors are hung throughout the poem. to explain that it's like a snake trick ..... keep its eyes occupied with one hand, grab it's neck with the other, same trick works well on little kids if you want to give them a little bit of a bashing. great poem, see what i was saying about this faves. but yeah, how about a one for every three rule? yes, i'll go along and fave this.
|| Posted on 2011-03-12 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ] || i really like the question at the end...|
the early description of the parrot's actions...as it has a kind of sexual interlude with the tube..and struts its feathers, as males will do...
and then the question ...would you do that for me?
would you parrot the parrot?
|| Posted on 2011-03-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] || there is this neat and interactive book i have called griffin & sabine. and this reminds me of that, in a way. |
there is something wonderful about postcards. captured thoughts that leave the reader always wanting more. but i think too, it is the thought of the thoughts sent, and how they generally leave the reader smiling as well.
i like this. i hope he did, too.
|| Posted on 2011-03-11 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ] |