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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mazedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ShadowsnLights
    ASL Info:    25 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.24 - 71/107/66
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 685



    Description:
       This is the poem that started me on my journey to Writing. Its my first piece, it certainly won't be my last!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMazedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel like I'm walking in a maze,
    Just trying to get passed this daze.

    Daily going through the motions,
    Slowly drowning in these emotions.

    Maybe if I push my way through,
    I can finally be with you.

    Just beyond my fingertips,
    Blinded by this eclipse.

    I'm missing a part of me,
    The important one, you see.

    The heart you so carelessly dropped,
    That's when my bubble popped.

    The world I desperately clinged to,
    I didn't think it would sink too.

    Maybe when I finally forgive,
    Is the day I will learn to live.




    Submitted on 2011-03-13 18:08:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      As usual I love your work. This piece reminds me of those times where it was all too much and to breathe was pain. You capture those moments so beautifully
    | Posted on 2011-03-26 00:00:00 | by TheInvisible | [ Reply to This ]
      i read this and wonder...is the speaker needing to forgive the ex or herself...

    sometimes to move on we have to get rid of the angry, hurt feelings...

    and if we blame ourselves for lost loves, we end up having that eclipse cover up our moon...and we just don't see the light anymore until we let go of the negative feelings..and forgive others and ourselves...

    the moon will shine again, it always does.

    heartfelt piece.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-24 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      A very good piece, it keeps the emotions all the way through.
    The only thing I feel is missing in this, is a little more depth. Perhaps if you added a few more lines insteed of just having two ad a time, that would give the final finish.

    But anyway, I like it ;-)


    -Kwanying-
    | Posted on 2011-03-16 00:00:00 | by Kwanying | [ Reply to This ]
      oh i wrote something anmd it disppeared..

    it is flawless in construction, you write flowy musical poems,,, even pain has its beauty.

    Just beyond my fingertips,
    Blinded by this eclipse

    wow! it is close yet cant be seen yet earnestly, insistently yearned for....

    very nice poem!
    | Posted on 2011-03-14 00:00:00 | by ShiveringFire | [ Reply to This ]


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