if this were my poem, this might be how it turned up on the page, say i posted it, the poem went live and i could see it that way.
now either i'm happy or i change it immediately.
sometimes it's that you are rock climbing and taking the climb in stages, it's good to get a hold. holds are great, so much better than falling, you appreciate the view.
blah blah blah.
quite often that's what happens with poems, you get down the salt and then consider the spices.
i don't like this poem as it is.
maybe, i must need glasses or more sleeping because i did the same thing on Aly's page: i read comstubble instead of cornstubble. i loved comstumble, i really did like it.
here, i read to exhaust from their murmuring mouths.
and do you know how you start of with the &.
& the girls
are putting their heads together
into a haiku, to exhaust
from their murmuring mouths
I loved how immediate that was, so close grouped and lovely for its smallness.
at this point in the climb i love not what it was but what it could be.
now- granted, i'm a jerk. i like music, i like girls, i like fight sports, i like rugby.
it's not to for me to say what you like or what you should write about,
but rather than what it is, i really want to see what it could be, and then i think you'll have written what's most important.