Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hard linesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 730
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       I think this one could be good with some work, so please suggest away. I'd be interested to see what people get out of it, because I think that there are a few different perspectives that work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHard linesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When we ran together,
    your contours used to arc
    and spring like a sapling's.
    Your eyes were quicksilver
    and the smell of new earth
    breathed from under your nails.

    I imagined an artist
    sketching in stop motion;
    he used a wooden compass
    to trace your limby angles
    as you flowed in easy lines.

    That compass spike quivered
    when you slowed to a walk.
    The easy lines hardened
    as you jutted and stumbled
    in a wavering arc -
    those were hard lines to trace.

    It ended as these things do:
    the wood warped and hollowed
    until one day that compass
    splintered exhaustedly,
    leaving a bloodied hand
    and a hole in the page.




    Submitted on 2011-03-21 09:10:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "leaving a hole in the page"

    a gap...someone close who grew old...and not well...who slowed down immensely from the person i used to run with...not just literally run but figuratively..the person i most related to, like a best friend...
    and i had to watch you slow down..and wooden compass that gave you direction...sturdy like an oak tree...but deteriorated...the bark losing its strength..its protection of the person...you walked more slowly, bent over...

    and in the end i see...either death took the friend or the friend decided on death as an alternative to the deterioration...

    quite visually stunning this piece...

    that is the portrait i saw...by the artist with the wooden compass..

    i like the idea i see of both of you in the painting...but the colors of him..or her..fading fading...fading....


    nice work

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry