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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...a word to the whys...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 285



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...a word to the whys...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You know -
    You're a stone
    In a surging stream

    Swift ripples of knowledge
    But you've absorbed none

    In a crowd of faces
    I've watched you prepare
    A grand march on nothing

    But a tightrope of air




    Submitted on 2011-03-22 20:18:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      How am I to be i think the question for the bark,
    for in every branch a tree may seem to steam a sullen lark,
    but everything is nothing when the fractal doesn't fit,
    it's a subject with no classroom where the teachers never sit,

    in a sand storm for the masses does the pharaoh re arise,
    or do the snakes of lesser bounty charm the worse then with their eyes,
    if in every fading stage there is a skull left then to glow,
    we would see the pen was nothing and the ink was all we'd know,

    but the ink can move the sword and then in turn the ink is blood
    so they live without a reason as to never rise above,
    the shallow make the many, but the depth keep them alive
    among the paradox of knowledge being granted or contrived.
    | Posted on 2015-09-16 00:00:00 | by ShyOne | [ Reply to This ]
      the emperor has no clothes...or is it no brains. perhaps no heart for wisdom. but Caledonia's head is still so hard. i don't know exactly why these thoughts came to me as i read this but they did....

    why does the stone not absorb the wisdom of the river that has flowed for centuries and knows all? why don't i he'd the river of my fathers wisdom many times? perhaps b/c like the stone, we tend to galavant and prophecy to the air. missing the crowd of hearts gathered and build tension when there should be peace. but you notice this pomposity and wonder, "has the stone lost the meaning of self"?...

    i don't know, im not to skilled sometimes in writing about others work (especially yours), but i offer the mite i have. this piece did speak to me, but perhaps not in the way you meant the words to be heard.

    ciao
    jp

    | Posted on 2011-05-28 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      a stone against a strong current can either be pushed along by it, remaining unchanged, or it can stand firm if anchored somehow, causing the current to change its own course around it.....

    ultimately, the choice is ours. we are stones along the currents of our lives.....
    | Posted on 2011-05-05 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      Some lovely analogy, word play and descriptions here - I love how you are able to create a feeling of empty nothingness with words - sounds simple - but really isn't

    How do you create nothing with something?

    Well you have

    But as I always seem to find here (not your problem) - it is conceptually incomplete

    And I always get replies from people saying yeah but it's this and yeah but it's that - but IMHO a piece should be conceptually complete

    So, with an engaging start of 'you know' - hints of a conversation or feedback, then some observations of the protagonist

    But why? What does it mean? What's the point? Relevance? Concept? Idea?

    I'm not saying spoon feed it - but meaning is everything

    But what do I know?

    I think this is worth working on - expanding on the parts around it...

    :-)
    | Posted on 2011-03-24 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Some lovely analogy, word play and descriptions here - I love how you are able to create a feeling of empty nothingness with words - sounds simple - but really isn't

    How do you create nothing with something?

    Well you have

    But as I always seem to find here (not your problem) - it is conceptually incomplete

    And I always get replies from people saying yeah but it's this and yeah but it's that - but IMHO a piece should be conceptually complete

    So, with an engaging start of 'you know' - hints of a conversation or feedback, then some observations of the protagonist

    But why? What does it mean? What's the point? Relevance? Concept? Idea?

    I'm not saying spoon feed it - but meaning is everything

    But what do I know?

    I think this is worth working on - expanding on the parts around it...

    :-)
    | Posted on 2011-03-24 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Very clever. Just like poetry this is... sweet.
    | Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I am learning to appreciate things for what they are, not for what they could be. This particularly applies to writing. And so, I notice the absence in this poem. The stone in the surging stream, absorbing nothing. The tightrope of air. The march on nothing. This is understated but says precisely what it needs to. The tone, the imagery and deceptive lack of it, work very well for this theme. You turn metaphors and images on their own head, making them your own. The transition of "In a crowd of faces" to "I've watched . . ." is ghostly; fitting.

    It's been a long, long time since I've read you. I hope you'll keep it up.

    Alia
    | Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by O | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your use of words and how they seem to just roll off your tounge. It could be alttle more eye catching if it was abit longer but it is relaxing the way it is.
    | Posted on 2011-03-22 00:00:00 | by mms | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm i like this...short and sweet and says so much with few words..

    you have all this potential...but you have done nothing with it...

    absorbed no knowledge, you have been inert as a stone being pushed reluctantly by the current..

    and you are so egotistical...but are nothing but a con artist doing a highwire act...on a tightrope of hot air...the last part makes me think of a tightrope only two feet off the ground..the idea of never really taking a risk...

    you will fall...and i'll be there to see that too...

    | Posted on 2011-03-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    190092

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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