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Seperation Anxiety

Author: Rain
ASL Info:    22/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 531 /514 /70
Words: 70
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1168
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 471


Still a work in progress, any advice?

Seperation Anxiety

Seperated by walls,
you stand inside
while on the outside am I.

Anxiety grips me,
from bottom to top.
As I wait for you.

On one side I'm sitting,
across from you
staring into eyes I'm longing for.

Separation divides us,
months on top of days
and for time unknown.

Arms entertwined,
in a longing hug,
a dream I hope to come true.

Submitted on 2011-03-23 09:15:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Okay, remember how bad I used to be at commenting? I'm still that bad. Bare with me.
(I'm just glad we aren't in the same state, you can't hit me. Ha!)

I am going to start at the end. Maybe change it a little more, something like
"Because there you are within,
while here I am without"

That way it kind of has two meanings...

Uhm, I don't have much more. I think you'll find more things to change when you sit down to work on it. I had intended to go stanza by stanza but I think by the end you would have just wanted to do me harm, which I understand.

| Posted on 2011-03-25 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]

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