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Mirror revised

Author: Rain
ASL Info:    22/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 531 /514 /70
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1255
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 675


Revision on mirror

Mirror revised

A piece of glass hangs on the wall,
many lose themselves within it.
Spending hours infront of themselves,
primping, glancing, losing.

Wasting time consulting the wall,
telling themselves how lovely they look,
how breathtaking they are,
how wonderful they must be.

In front of the glass I stand,
looking into the glaze,
wondering why so much time is lost
just gazing at themselves.

Looking back at me,
a scarred form swallowed by darkness,
she screams as she falls
into the nothingness.

I don't agree.

Submitted on 2011-03-23 10:40:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  this is a very good piece it has a very nice and formal way of telling people that they are wasting time in front of a mirror admiring themselves... i love it do keep writing
| Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by unwantedlove20 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow this is nice, I like the way you acknowledge how others waist time lookin in the mirror then how you react when looking at yourself. Something we studied at the begining of the semester in Sociology was outward apperences and how society makes us believe we (men and women) she look and act a certain way. this is a good write make your readers think I like that.

| Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
  i do really like the last stanza better...

a couple things.."in front" two words..."breathtaking" one word..

and "consulting" i think you meant instead of "consolting"

but yes, the end is much sharper now and really brings the piece together, in my eyes.

| Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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