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    dots Submission Name: Motherdots

    Author: ParanoidParadox
    ASL Info:    22/m/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 89/92/41
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 417
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 570


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    Mother I'm cold
    Won't you come home
    And take me to bed
    Father is dead

    The streets are empty
    No soul in sight
    Cold winds come blowing
    Trembling at night

    Something is searching
    Looking for me
    Combing the streets
    Bearing its teeth

    It's getting closer
    I can hear it breathe
    Black lungs weezing
    Please make it leave

    Mother I'm scared
    I'm all alone
    Chase off my demons
    I want to go home

    Submitted on 2011-03-27 23:40:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm nit reading exact detail in this as Jacob had, yet I cam see how the absence of a father has created this demon that the speaker is asking to be rid of. I cant comment so much on this specifically but I enjoyed the cohesive line of thought.
    | Posted on 2015-11-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      <3...all I need to say.

    ~Cici Forlorn~
    | Posted on 2011-03-29 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      okay i may be way off here...

    but as i read this i feel sexual abuse...

    the father, dead to me emotionally because of what he has done...the black lung...smoker's lung...the alcohol has made him different...

    i am scared of him...mother please protect me from him...i want to come home...i am lost, alone, scared out here on my own...

    i feel so many things. none of them good...

    "baring its teeth" on that one line..

    you create mystery with these lines and open up avenues of thoughts..i really like that in a poem...this allows us to see what we see in it..

    and regardless of what it is...we definitely feel uncomfortable, awkward...which i believe you might have been shooting for...

    good write.

    | Posted on 2011-03-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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