And I heard her coming,
rolling through emerald hush of corn
knocking the bolted doors hard
then blasting them ajar
and then stopping by you
to catch her breath.
I enjoyed this, how it personifies the wind, but not in obvious ways. It's a good approach, this idea of wind as a woman running through the fields & into the house, stopping just short of knocking someone over because she's run out of air.
There are some punctuation issues, I think.
"Finally, the logs crackled
underneath the flames"
Maybe a period after "flames"?
"And I heard her coming,
rolling through emerald hush of corn
knocking the bolted doors hard"
commas after "corn" and "hard"
"then blasting them ajar"
Comma after ajar. I would consider taking this "then" out, as you use it again in the next line, then it reads too much like a play-by-play.
"and then stopping by you
to catch her breath."
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, you could do away with all punctuation altogether. Which might be easier, rather than having a bunch of commas. Your line breaks are direct & complete enough to provide the pauses.
thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Like I said, enjoyed. It's a good rush. :)
Submission Name: Wind...
