[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Submissiondots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 546

       from awhile ago.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kneel, love, and pledge me your love,
    sacrifice every whim, every gift, every whiff
    of emotion- I will claim it and eat it and taste
    its fresh vibrance upon my stale tongue.

    No, dearheart, not in want of your heart,
    or your flesh, even
    your pearly white shimmering soul
    with its little blind light
    signalling into the universe:
    'Come and get me!'

    like a shy hungry pear
    paired up with my feet
    for nothing as sweet
    as submission.

    Submitted on 2011-03-31 15:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Retrospective: Keep in mind that your beloved is not just a helpless piece of baklaue, neither is his love ! 'Emancipate' your love. And you may find him as well as love as continuously (re)new(ing) parts of yourself. Submission is due to the divine, not to the ego nor its hollow desires ... As from knowledge/intellect shall arise awareness. And from a young sprout of love its eternal rose.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by namenlos | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess everyone wants that raw passion once in a while, to let the other person give up all emotion, for you to devour. I like the way you said, "Upon my stale tongue" like you lack a sense of taste but the other person has so much to share. It sounds almost selfish.

    You don't necessarily want love, or looks, or his innocent soul ("blind light", very nice), or the other persons desperation, but you really need the person to show it.
    You want the other person to totally submit, so you can totally devour him. I like the way you tie in the "pear" on the first line, with "pairing" in the second line in the last stanza. Then the Rhyme with "sweet" and "feet". It really shows the reader how you paired up.

    I like the imagery you created throughout the poem, all the tastes. I can't help to feel like I want just a little more, a little something that will full that hunger, almost like a "happy ending". But I guess thatís how you intended it, the same way you might always feel this hunger but never fully quenched.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The World written by jjd
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]