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    dots Submission Name: Submissiondots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 136/243/154
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 462
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 546

       from awhile ago.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kneel, love, and pledge me your love,
    sacrifice every whim, every gift, every whiff
    of emotion- I will claim it and eat it and taste
    its fresh vibrance upon my stale tongue.

    No, dearheart, not in want of your heart,
    or your flesh, even
    your pearly white shimmering soul
    with its little blind light
    signalling into the universe:
    'Come and get me!'

    like a shy hungry pear
    paired up with my feet
    for nothing as sweet
    as submission.

    Submitted on 2011-03-31 15:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Retrospective: Keep in mind that your beloved is not just a helpless piece of baklaue, neither is his love ! 'Emancipate' your love. And you may find him as well as love as continuously (re)new(ing) parts of yourself. Submission is due to the divine, not to the ego nor its hollow desires ... As from knowledge/intellect shall arise awareness. And from a young sprout of love its eternal rose.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by namenlos | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess everyone wants that raw passion once in a while, to let the other person give up all emotion, for you to devour. I like the way you said, "Upon my stale tongue" like you lack a sense of taste but the other person has so much to share. It sounds almost selfish.

    You don't necessarily want love, or looks, or his innocent soul ("blind light", very nice), or the other persons desperation, but you really need the person to show it.
    You want the other person to totally submit, so you can totally devour him. I like the way you tie in the "pear" on the first line, with "pairing" in the second line in the last stanza. Then the Rhyme with "sweet" and "feet". It really shows the reader how you paired up.

    I like the imagery you created throughout the poem, all the tastes. I can't help to feel like I want just a little more, a little something that will full that hunger, almost like a "happy ending". But I guess thatís how you intended it, the same way you might always feel this hunger but never fully quenched.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]

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