Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: livindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 772



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslivindots
    -------------------------------------------


    livin

    i was just xistin, not livin ... i want to learn the pains and pleasures of life, without givin in to the pain in life

    i want to adopt his last name, and make it my own, own him as my owner, enjoy his company and make it all betta... like smooth sailin, on butta... baby... betta...

    so god is gracious and kind and he has decided to craft me from the imagery in his heart, he made me dark .... chocolate even... wow

    and this gift that he's given i've decided to honor by actually using it... smilin and dancin... goin and enjoying and making the best of all that is offered... i missed out on so much, or maybe it was just waiting for me to awaken....

    awake beauty, the sun awaits




    Submitted on 2011-03-31 16:04:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This looks like a manifesto of LIFE... this is the thing i want to read first when i get up in the morning... its a great realisation, a wonderful feeling and this is real wisdom.. shining in its simplicity, brevity and expressiveness. Loved it!!
    | Posted on 2011-04-05 00:00:00 | by ShiveringFire | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I really enjoy this. I haven't read much spoken word-esque poetry on here yet, so it's nice to come across something that has that beat & feeling, that force of delivery that really begs to be said out loud.

    I think you captured that perfectly.

    I really love this: "i want to adopt his last name, and make it my own, own him as my owner, enjoy his company and make it all betta... like smooth sailin, on butta... baby... betta..."

    because it has style & full on sincerity, but you're still having fun with it. I think that's important. & the whole thing is just an appreciation, & a looking at things in a new way, in a layered sentience. I like your approach to life, the relationship. It's great.

    The only thing that threw me was the "wow". Something about it seemed out of placed & halted the rhythm for me, but it's a small thing, & might sound just right spoken out.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      You threw me for a second as to the form, but once I got that there is an underlying beat, I got into it. I especially like the message as summed up in the last line.
    | Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190221

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry