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of midnight romance

Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 139 /257 /171
Words: 100
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1312
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 672


of midnight romance

And now the yards of gothic churches
with surging redness of the eye-
its salty tinge inside the brackets-
are finger-sculpting our sky

into the flutter of the cypress
across my elbows in the sand
as if the universe were silenced
by someone else's pleading hand

until the somnolence has traded
my lash with yours, and lid with lid,
and self itself is carefully folded
into the corners of your lips -

before retreating to the alleys
and pledging last of last to dawn;
before the blaze of day would claim me
so irreversibly its own.

Submitted on 2011-04-02 17:31:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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'finger-sculpting our sky"

I really like that line & the image it comes with. There's a great deal of urgency in this & with the rhyme it really sets the pace, like heavy breathing, it's plea of sorts. & I like how you described the place. I can imagine where this is taking place, & it appeals to me muchly.

The actual intent of the piece isn't very direct, & I like that too. It allows us readers to take it where we want to, & come to our own conclusions. Vampiric, or otherwise. :)

The punctuation is a bit dodgy, so I would suggest taking another look at that. "somnolence" is also seemed to be too big of a word for the poem & line there, halted the rhythm for me.
| Posted on 2011-04-02 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
  i get a vampirish feeling from this...

very romantic in the gothic sense...
some great imagery especially in the third stanza...

the first stanza tripped me a little with disagreement of number...should it be "their salty tinge"?
to match the "gothic churches" ?

just a thought..

but a darkly romantic mood set if day will ruin the moment...

nighttime is the righttime.

| Posted on 2011-04-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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