Description: aparently its national write a poem a day month this month so im gonna try...
a month of longing [23 days to go] -------------------------------------------
but who's counting?
though since we're talking numbers
here's a couple:
one] there is nothing
about this longing-
even my little toe
accidental footsy in tangled
two] there are too many
by this forced exile...
tuesday date nights that will never be
caught up on; nights trying
to stay awake til u
from basketball; freezing
cold showers and night
after night without lights/power;
movies and popcorn and
none of these can be caught
but in 23 days we can
give it a try.
I'm liking how understated this one reads, but it has such gorgeous detail.
I'm thinking mostly, like Jacob, the little toe part -- and that line, there is nothing incomplete about this longing, is fecking stunning -- so melodic, and direct, and startling -- it's almost a double-negative, or is in fact completely a double negative? Bleh, either way it's lovely lovely lovely.
The concept of these numbers, too. I almost wish you'd taken it to a three (but three is my lucky number, yup) -- I like how you address us directly when you say you're gonna give us a couple (that sounds almost rude when taken out of context, ha) -- it's cool, it feels more interactive, like a conversation you're having with us.
Accidental footsy and accidental kisses are also just such pretty thoughts, they are.
I agree that the u takes away a little something, though I guess that's a personal preference thing; and the way you've only used it once makes me think it means something to you, or to Zelalem, or both? So I don't know.
I also want it to read lights or power -- but I guess, again, that's a personal preference thing.
The rhythm of that line (night after night without lights/power) is too good, too, you know?