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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drugsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insanegemini
    ASL Info:    18/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 24/50/56
    Words: 399
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 376
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2459



    Description:
       idk, i meant for this poem to be good and deep but it seems kinda weak, advise and opinions would be appreciated :)
    thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrugsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They tell you
    Drugs are bad
    They tell you drugs make you mad
    Other bring you down and sad
    Some still yet send you high in the sky
    Feeling oh so glad
    They'll tell you it's a fad
    To look cool in school
    But in the end you're the fool
    That got hooked
    And crooked
    Robbed of you love for life
    You'll cut yourself with a knife
    And cheat on your family and wife
    Just to get a fix

    What they don't tell you
    Is that the drugs will tell a much different story
    Drugs will tell you that they are something to be had
    Adventure to your life they do add
    Everyone does them
    Down the street
    Yeah that lad
    In the basement
    Yep so does dad
    Even mom will hit just a tad
    Fad?
    Ha! Drugs have been around
    Since dawn hit the town
    They only bring you down
    If that's what you like
    And they only make you do bad things
    If you can't control the puppeteers strings

    The truth is
    Drugs send you into euphoria
    Feeling in Gloria and Victoria
    The create bonds
    Between people that share your fonds
    The idea that only fuck ups do drugs is a lie
    Look around
    I bet people you wouldn't expect
    Have one thing on their mind
    How to make that next buy
    And get really fucking high
    Drugs are fun
    Make you dance and run
    Fuck and cum
    See light when there is none
    But with all things fun
    Bad things happen when overdone
    As you travel deeper
    In to the sea of the reaper
    You are no longer the keeper
    Of the puppet strings
    Drugs are not the puppet
    You are the one thrown into threat
    When the drugs say dance
    Along the floor you'll prance
    When they say buy
    To the fastest dealer you'll say hi!
    Control
    Who carries the final toll?

    Drugs are bad
    But something to be had
    They make you glad, mad, sad
    Should you taste the poison
    Or leaver you life empty with none
    Do you think you can outrun
    The shots of the gun

    I'm not here to tell you what to do
    Just to say
    Drugs are fun
    But can leave you empty and done




    Submitted on 2011-04-08 11:02:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you have two choices with this as far as improving and that would be to just clean it up, that way it can be a much stronger message or you can leave it as it is and do more spell checking, leaving it raw, remaining realistic.

    Very observant, gives the thought of an eagle eye targeted on society and narcotics, how they dysfunction or help one function.Or better yet how they'll leave you miserable and sick in a pile of crap you created.

    Warning, be prepared before you enter the euphoric ring of haze type of piece.

    It can be made more slender, more narrowed out.
    I like how you took on the topic though, tackled the ills with wanting to address what is and what is not.

    The idea that only [censored] ups do drugs is a lie
    Look around

    This here is the line that says [censored] society's stereotypical labeling on what types of people do drugs and who don't.Because a lot of people everyday will assume it's the homeless guy or hooker getting in the car when truth is.It's not only that aspect of society but it's secretaries, political figures, nannies, childcare overseers, all walks of life that are in on the trip too.

    So yeah, I think it can be toned up, worked out.
    The symboling key areas are not really bothering a reader because that's just scratch appeal, something the author put there intentionally.

    Agreeable subject to put forth, like the idea of it being done.
    | Posted on 2011-04-15 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      ya i know it the thuth drugs are fun but they can killl you inside out
    | Posted on 2011-04-13 00:00:00 | by angelagresham19 | [ Reply to This ]


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