Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: girly101
Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 292 /310 /149
Words: 70
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1163
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 447



With age comes unwanted knowledge,
and so develops my wish for ignorance.
My jaded eyes are burning with betrayal
and liquid hate. - How far idols fall
from their thrones when understanding plays a role.
Sewing the seeds of doubt
all hope is draining out,
Put back on the mask, candy coat the scene
I don't want to gaze upon the truth
When it's darker than the Shadows in me

Submitted on 2011-04-10 06:26:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is realy good. it makes me think you are a wise person. I also am fairly jaded, if it is due to wisdom or growing up to fast I dont know. But I can say I know exactly how you feel in this write.

"Put back on the mask, candy coat the scene
I don't want to gaze upon the truth
When it's darker than the Shadows in me"

The poetic definition of jaded.. good stuff.
| Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this. i think its something everyone can relate to. everyone always put on that mask and sugar coats it, or as you say, "candy coat"... i like that, has a nice ring to it. but i like the first two lines even more. thats what i think alot of people can relate to, at least anyone who opens their eyes anyways. i also like the sixth and seventh lines. very true and right to the point, just like it needs to be said! great write, as always. keep up the good work. from what i can tell, your just getting better and better.

| Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by Thief | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice write.
I liked the "candy coat the scene" line it has nice imagery for me.

However your flow confuses me a bit. Some verses are short and to the point, others are long and kind of run on.

Also I would urge you to reformat the poem into verses. That can often make how the poem should be read more clear.

With a little polishing this could be an even more awesome poem than what it already is! :)

| Posted on 2011-04-10 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?