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    dots Submission Name: Jadeddots

    Author: girly101
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 292/310/149
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 517
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 447


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    With age comes unwanted knowledge,
    and so develops my wish for ignorance.
    My jaded eyes are burning with betrayal
    and liquid hate. - How far idols fall
    from their thrones when understanding plays a role.
    Sewing the seeds of doubt
    all hope is draining out,
    Put back on the mask, candy coat the scene
    I don't want to gaze upon the truth
    When it's darker than the Shadows in me

    Submitted on 2011-04-10 06:26:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is realy good. it makes me think you are a wise person. I also am fairly jaded, if it is due to wisdom or growing up to fast I dont know. But I can say I know exactly how you feel in this write.

    "Put back on the mask, candy coat the scene
    I don't want to gaze upon the truth
    When it's darker than the Shadows in me"

    The poetic definition of jaded.. good stuff.
    | Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. i think its something everyone can relate to. everyone always put on that mask and sugar coats it, or as you say, "candy coat"... i like that, has a nice ring to it. but i like the first two lines even more. thats what i think alot of people can relate to, at least anyone who opens their eyes anyways. i also like the sixth and seventh lines. very true and right to the point, just like it needs to be said! great write, as always. keep up the good work. from what i can tell, your just getting better and better.

    | Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by Thief | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write.
    I liked the "candy coat the scene" line it has nice imagery for me.

    However your flow confuses me a bit. Some verses are short and to the point, others are long and kind of run on.

    Also I would urge you to reformat the poem into verses. That can often make how the poem should be read more clear.

    With a little polishing this could be an even more awesome poem than what it already is! :)

    | Posted on 2011-04-10 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]

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