Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: we are (disconnected)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Someones Epiphany
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 4454/2106/161
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 793



    Description:
       i am apples you are tangerines
    different fruit from the same tree


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswe are (disconnected)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i am a disconnected
    cog
    turning, turning, turning
    i know there is a reason
    for this
    but it all seems so mundane
    pointless

    wake up get dressed eat breakfast go to work eat lunch go home eat dinner excersize shower sleep

    repeat repeat repeat

    you are a disconnected
    cog
    turning turning turning
    you know there is a reason
    for this
    but it all seems so mundane
    pointless

    wake up get dressed eat breakfast see family eat food catch taxis play basketball shower sleep

    repeat repeat repeat

    we are (disconnected)
    cogs-
    in two weeks wel will find
    function, completion
    perfection

    purpose.




    Submitted on 2011-04-11 04:44:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i never thought i would enjoy repetition so much!.. and the final stanza is truly unique in its hope, its self-assuredness, its finality. this feels like being in a long distance relationship, and I can totally relate. also thumbs up on the original use of (), it genuinely emphasizes the general awkward feeling of 'disconnectedness'.
    | Posted on 2012-05-09 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice piece. The imagery, and feeling are powerful here. We all live mundane lives for a time before we find that meaning we search for, but you must always remember that even the mundane can be beautiful.



    Sage
    | Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      disconnected becomes connected...

    this reminds me of a lily tomlin quote...she said they should take two New Yorkers who are walking down the street talking to themselves and pair them up. That way they would look like they are talking to each other.

    we get so caught up in our own lives, sometimes it is hard to be together with another...takes effort, compromise, adaption..but i think you guys are doing that...

    and soon...the mundane will feel fun because you will be doing it together.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190374

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Instances written by hyproglo
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry