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Words once had flowed so naturally
Springing forth at will or a whim
Lately, they're all brittle and forced
Creations of a mind on fire
Everything is fleeting and empty
I'm viewing the world through dark glasses
Peeling off the skin to reveal the bruise beneath
Is the only accurate description of me.
All of these notes resound violently
The music within a fragmented being
Poisoning others with venom and anti-freeze
Subdural hematoma- hemorrhaging memories
Submitted on 2011-04-15 00:12:51
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2: I dunno...
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can't believe this one also has not gotten more comments...ridiculous!
| Posted on 2011-04-18 00:00:00 | by
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the fire is the anti-freeze
wow, poisoning others...
i feel my words being brittle and forced...
the last stanza is a killer literally and figuratively..
and you have three stanzas that feel separate, like they don't go together...
but that works here...shows the brittle, forced nature of the poem....
like you are just trying to get something out...
you are fragmented like the thoughts in the three stanzas which don't exactly match..
and the hemorraging....memories...really good phraseology...
i always have found that when i have writer's block...writing about it is the best way to undam the words...
| Posted on 2011-04-15 00:00:00 | by
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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