Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ethernetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    24/m/US
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 66/145/98
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 587
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 448



    Description:
       I split one piece into two. I didn't play with this part, just reposting without the other.
    Probably final. Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEthernetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think much better, clever, clear and fast
    when I'm alone at my computer behind a digital mask.
    I can let the internet access be a visceral face lift,
    with every new command I'm one step further from physical-ness.
    The being that you wont miss, longevity hides greatness.

    Withdraw to filter my manifesto.
    What goes in it, only I know.
    I'm a genius when you dont see me.




    Submitted on 2011-04-17 19:26:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with saartha on "physicality"

    although i see you probably wanted physical-ness to match for the rhyme scheme...

    i like the idea of this piece...i'm the genius you don't see...

    but the lines feel really uneven...

    and i can't seem to read it with a flow...

    smooth it out a bit..the idea is quite good...

    and watch your "won't" and "don't" apostrophes...

    | Posted on 2011-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      A brief note: instead of physical-ness, why not use 'physicality'?

    A lot of people in the information age feel this way, I think. God knows I'm more confident online.
    | Posted on 2011-04-17 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190466

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Yes written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry