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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ethernetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    24/m/US
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 66/145/98
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 448



    Description:
       I split one piece into two. I didn't play with this part, just reposting without the other.
    Probably final. Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEthernetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think much better, clever, clear and fast
    when I'm alone at my computer behind a digital mask.
    I can let the internet access be a visceral face lift,
    with every new command I'm one step further from physical-ness.
    The being that you wont miss, longevity hides greatness.

    Withdraw to filter my manifesto.
    What goes in it, only I know.
    I'm a genius when you dont see me.




    Submitted on 2011-04-17 19:26:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with saartha on "physicality"

    although i see you probably wanted physical-ness to match for the rhyme scheme...

    i like the idea of this piece...i'm the genius you don't see...

    but the lines feel really uneven...

    and i can't seem to read it with a flow...

    smooth it out a bit..the idea is quite good...

    and watch your "won't" and "don't" apostrophes...

    | Posted on 2011-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      A brief note: instead of physical-ness, why not use 'physicality'?

    A lot of people in the information age feel this way, I think. God knows I'm more confident online.
    | Posted on 2011-04-17 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]


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